Marketers Are Idiots - Verizon Edition

The May 7, 2007 issue of Time Magazine has several articles devoted to the 400th anniversary of the settlement of Jamestown in Virginia. Obviously they approached some of their advertisers to suggest they tie in to the theme in their ads. AirTran did a nice job by creating a "boarding pass" for one of the ships that sailed from England. It was very clever and effective.

But Verizon, poor clueless, huge Verizon. Here's half of their incredibly expensive two-page spread:


To thrive, the people of Jamestown created a strong, reliable network. So did we.

HUH? What a lame, erroneous connection! First of all, the Jamestown people hardly thrived...they barely survived. And it had nothing to do with creating a network of any sort. They were isolated and had to resort to stealing from the Native American tribes in the area and eating just about anything they could find that could be cooked. Ultimately the Jamestown residents had to incorporate a very brutal form of slavery in their society in order to survive. I wonder how Verizon would compare their operation to that?

In 1607, 104 men sailed to Jamestown.

Well, no, not exactly. 144 men sailed and they actually started their journey in 1606. Forty died en route and they arrived in 1607. Facts are facts, and if Verizon is going to quote dates and numbers, they should certainly get them right. All they needed to do is change "sailed" to "arrived" but remember, they're idiots.

The rest of the copy in this ad is terribly amateur and makes almost no sense. One sentence is particularly idiotic:

Because a new chapter in our country's heritage began at Jamestown, Virginia, America's first permanent English settlement.

Well, prior to the founding of Jamestown there really wasn't any "heritage" on the continent other than the thousands of years it was inhabited by the Native Americans. But I don't think that's what Verizon was referring to. Jamestown really was Chapter One - not a "new" chapter. They are just obviously writing meaningless fluff that they hope no one actually reads or analyzes. Idiots!

So Verizon spent a lot of money to be associated with Jamestown by running a two-page spread in Time and buying the right to call themselves the Official Telecommunications Sponsor of America's 400th Anniversary of Jamestown. (Rolls right off the tongue, eh?) Sadly clueless, ignorant and insulting.