I Wish I Could Think This Fast

I read a great, short piece on PlaneBuzz today. It has the interesting title: "We Knew This Was Going to Happen." It was about a passenger on an airplane with a iPhone who mimicked the Apple television commercial in which a flight attendant somehow used his iPhone to get the plane out of the gate and into the air despite a weather delay.

It seems life imitated "art" recently when an actual passenger questioned the delay of a flight due to weather. He challenged the crew's explanation as to why they weren't airborne, and the pilot got onto the public address system with this reply:

"If the passenger with the iPhone would be kind enough to use it to check the weather at our alternate, calculate our fuel burn due to being rerouted around the storms, call the dispatcher to arrange our release, and then make a phone call to the nearest Air Traffic Control center to arrange our timely departure amongst the other aircraft carrying passengers with iPhones, then we will be more than happy to depart. Please ring your call button to advise the Flight Attendant and your fellow passengers when you deem it ready and responsible for this multi-million dollar aircraft and its passengers to safely leave."

Priceless! I wish I could think of things like that to say. Perfect!

Atlanta Christians Prove There Is No God

Atlanta is have some serious drought problems. They're not alone, but they seem to be getting a lot of the press about it. I came across this article on the MSN website, which at first made me laugh, and then caused me to ponder just what the heck is going on in this country.

It seems Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue organized a group prayer on the steps of the state capitol building to ask God for some rain. There were some protests about state-sanctioned prayer, but what struck me more was the ludicrousness of this whole thing. How is this any different than say, hiring an American Indian to perform a rain dance? Or a witch to cast a spell on the clouds to make them give up their precious water? Most of the people who gathered to pray together would surely scoff at either of these other two methods, but they don't see their actions as being so steeped in superstition and ignorance.

But the most interesting aspect of this whole ridiculous waste of time and taxpayer money is that IT DIDN'T WORK. No rain...not a drop. Atlanta is still as bone dry as it was before everyone joined hands, bowed then heads and attempted telepathic communication.

So I guess Atlanta managed to prove there is no God. Nice job, zealots. Probably not what you intended, but at least some good came out of your mass ignorance.

Marketers Are Idiots - Applebee's Edition

Sometimes marketing concepts and campaigns are so lame, I truly wish I could have sat in on the creative presentation by the agency. The current Applebee's television campaign is one I would have loved to have experienced.

Agency: OK, here's the concept for our new television campaign. We have a hip, urban black guy sitting on a park bench texting someone on his phone.

Applebee's Idiot: Great. Urban blacks avoid us like the plague. This will certainly make them want to eat at an Applebee's and travel 20 miles to get there!

Agency: And on the back of the bench there's an apple.

Applebee's Idiot: Oh wow...a red apple, right? That will make people think of us because the word "apple" in part of our name. Brilliant!

Agency: And the apple kind of bounces up and down while we hear it speaking to the guy.

Applebee's Idiot: Bouncing...good. That's what an apple would do if it was talking. What does it sound like?

Agency: Well, like Wanda Sykes.

Applebee's Idiot: Oh, I love her...and she's black too, right? She is black, isn't she?

Agency: Yes, and she tells the guy he shouldn't be sitting on a bench all alone but should be at a restaurant with friends.

Applebee's Idiot: And so we then see him at an Applebee's, right? With some other urban black people? But can we have some white people too? And a woman? Could she maybe be Hispanic?

Agency: Yes, and the apple is now on the back of the booth and continues talking to him.

Applebee's Idiot: And it still sounds like Wanda Sykes? And it still just kind of bounces up and down? That's what apples do when they talk!

Agency: You got it!

Applebee's Idiot: Sounds good to me! How much money do you need? This will be great!

Of course I hope the Agency Guy did his best to actually create and present something that isn't so incredibly lame and that the bouncing, talking, Wanda Sykes apple was all the client's idea...but I know better. The agency's brilliant, new 20-something recent college graduate intern was given the job of coming up with something breakthrough, but when he found out he couldn't feature a clown, the bouncing apple came into his head.

There is so much wrong with this campaign that it's actually hard to comment on it. If you want Wanda Sykes as your spokesperson - not a bad idea - don't just put her voice into a bouncing apple. And about that bouncing apple...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Did you feed it peanut butter so it looked like it was talking?

For all the good this campaign is going to do Applebee's they should give the money to charity and at least get some good PR instead of the ridicule this pathetic, desperate attempt at television advertising is going to gain them. What a total waste! The people in marketing at Applebee's are idiots. This is proof positive!