Marketers Are Idiots - Coke Zero Edition

Coke is spending millions and millions of dollars to try and promote their new Coke Zero product - and I haven't seen a brand that is more clueless and desperate in a long, long time.

Their run-into-the-ground commercial, which they are showing both on national television and in movie theaters, features two geeky dolts talking to an "actual" lawyer supposedly on hidden camera. It appears these guys work for regular Coke and want to sue Coke Zero for "taste infringement." The lawyers basically tell them they can't sue their own company and they would be fired if they try. But the two idiots claim they want the manager of Coke Zero to curl up and cry underneath the copy machine.

The are violating one of the most important rules of consumer marketing: "Don't talk to yourself!"

I'm assuming what they are trying to do is convey that Coke Zero tastes exactly the same as regular Coke but...uh, but...there's "zero" of something in there. You'd think calories, right? No, I guess it's no sugar, but I certainly didn't find that out from this lame, amateur commercial.

It's so amazingly desperate. I can imagine everyone at Coke sitting around trying to figure out how they should communicate the concept of this product and somebody with absolutely no marketing skills or experience whatsoever said, "I know! Let's do a spot where we sue ourselves for making something that tastes so much like regular Coke that there's copyright infringement. We can make it even better by bringing in real lawyers and capture their incredulous outrage at such a bold idea!" Everyone laughed, added their two cents and congratulated this clueless member of the team with his or her brilliance!

Sorry. It's just lame, insipid and stupid. It doesn't convey a thing and it's not funny. The money is going down the drain and this product is destined to fail. The marketers at Coke are idiots.