The Interlocutor

Adam Lambert - Buzz for Wrong Reason

2009-11-25T11:13:00.005-05:00

As literally EVERYONE knows by now, Adam Lambert created quite a stir with his provocative, S&M-inspired, boy-kisses-boy performance at the American Music Awards. The clip has been repeated over and over online and on TV, discussed in every forum imaginable, and Good Morning America canceled his early-morning performance out of fear of causing the country to upchuck their Cheerios.

If he wanted to created PR buzz for his new album, I think he failed. Can you recall anything about the song he sang? Do you find yourself hoping for more? Is the Adam Lambert CD on your "must-have" list? No, I didn't think so.

So much was made of the shocking aftermath of the performance, that no one is talking about his music. Maybe that's what he wants, but I'm assuming he would rather be known as a terrific singer than a, what? gay version of the artist formerly known as Prince who is now once again known as Prince? All I can recall is the stupid way he stuck out his tongue when he did those screeching, screaming high notes that everyone thought would be his claim to fame on American Idol. I cannot recall ONE other thing about the song, and I certainly have no interest in hearing it again.

Unintended consequences? Maybe. Maybe not. Yeah, Adam Lambert is "the talk" right now, but is that enough to launch his career? I don't think so. I think he would have been much wiser to come onto that world stage and knocked our socks off with what a great singer he is. Not try and get away with how decadent he can be on live TV. I don't think we've heard the last of Adam Lambert, but I strongly suspect a year from now we won't remember who he is.

Pharmaceutical Ads Suck - Plavix Edition

2009-09-29T18:54:00.004-04:00

I thoroughly HATE pharmaceutical advertising. The fact that is has become so common just makes me hate it even more. There is just something wrong with drug companies telling everyone to "ask your doctor" if their particular pill is right for you. Of course doctors then overly prescribe the medicine because the patient insists upon it, because the commercial convinced them they need it. That's the sad thing about pharmaceutical advertising - it works!

The latest one to really bug me is for Plavix. I don't even know what Plavix is supposed to treat. I think it's something related to the heart. It's usually impossible to tell from the commercials and all the blabbering the announcer does. In this one, a woman is playing golf - alone - and a hospital gurney is mysteriously following her. I think the point they are trying to make is that she's somehow in danger, but it also comes across as if she's got the power of a hospital with her everywhere she goes. At any rate, the point isn't made very clearly.

She ends up leaving the golf course and heading directly to her doctor's office. Well, it's not really her doctor. The disclaimer is careful to point out that it is a "doctor dramatization." They wouldn't want anyone to think the guy int he white coat with the stethoscope around his neck is "really" a doctor. Got to disclaim it for some legal reason, right?

Anyway, it ends with her smiling and the announcer listing all the incredible things that can go wrong, but nevertheless tells you to ask you doctor is Plavix is right for you.

It's amazingly stupid, but obviously the people at Bristol-Myers Squibb are extremely proud of - and clueless about - their spot. The feature it on their website, but unfortunately the video players isn't working. (Video coming soon. Please check back) Nevertheless, the commercial is on YouTube, probably placed there by their PR people for all the world to enjoy. This is how they describe the commercial on the website:

Heart Attack (caused by a clot) Video: Golf Course

A woman is walking across a golf course, engaged in a game. She’s unaware that she is being closely followed by an ambulance gurney. “If you’ve had a heart attack caused by a completely blocked artery, another heart attack could be lurking....”

Yep, that's what it is all right. But....why? And how can you be unaware that you are being followed by an ambulance gurney while you are out playing golf alone?

Pretty bad.

Critics Are Wrong - Terminator Salvation is FANTASTIC

2009-05-24T20:54:00.003-04:00

I've been looking forward to the new Terminator movie for months. I have loved every film in the series and was totally glued to the TV for every episode of The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I was thoroughly disappointed when I read the first reviews of the movie and the rather lukewarm reception the film received among the major critics.

I am happy to report: THE CRITICS ARE WRONG!

It is simply fantastic! Everything about the movie works and the true test - I was totally riveted to the screen for over two hours. I completely immersed myself in the film and the time flew by in an instant - leaving me wanting more.

Unlike Sarah Connor, which took great liberties with the basic plot of the three previous films, Salvation is totally true to the established world of the Terminators and builds upon it beautifully. We got glimpses of the future world following Judgment Day in some of the earlier films, but only brief flashbacks (actually flashforwards, I guess) and the telling of the tale through character remembrances. This time we get the full power - and terror - of the story. Plus your mind doesn't come close to exploding as you try to figure out how the past and future mingle and how intimately what happens in one leads to important events in the other.

Even if you simply view this as an action film, you won't be disappointed. It is full of terrific battle scenes, great fights, scary "monsters" and some incredible explosions. Things continually jump out of nowhere to give you a start, and you get battles on land, sea and in the air. Since in many ways this is actually a film about a war in the future, it works perfectly on that level.

But the whole man vs. machine, good vs. evil plotline also works to perfection. After all, the machines are the creation of man, so once again, we are our own worst enemy. The moral sides are clear cut, but the subtleties are deep and stimulating. And this is perfectly conveyed through the new character to the series, Marcus Wright. Despite being Skynet's first cyborg, they can't remove his humanity. To be successful, Skynet ultimately needs to add skin to machines, not replace human parts with metal. It's a wonderfully subtle difference that plays a key role in this thought-provoking film.

I hope people love this movie as much as I do and it grows in popularity and success. I'm already hoping for a sequel. I most certainly am looking forward to seeing it again very soon!

And once again I need to remind myself to stop listening the the "experts."

The Oddities of Airline Travel

2009-05-12T16:03:00.005-04:00

I did some traveling over this past weekend and it is such a strange, odd activity - I thought I'd share some of my observations.

First of all, even though I vowed never again to fly on United Airlines after a string of horrible misadventures over the past year, I did it. Mainly because I had a bunch of "miles" to spend that were going to expire in a couple of months. It cost me 25,000 of them to travel 1600 miles round trip, so I've never quite understood the correlation between the two values placed upon this measure of distance. (Is this the currency used in the rest of the world? Do people in Germany collect kilometers in return for taking flights?)

The first leg of my journey was from Washington- Dulles to Chicago-O'Hare. Fairly uneventful. What stuck in my mind is the odd way the airlines have now divided up the aircraft. It used to be you had First Class and Coach. Now there's Business Class, Premier, Economy and something called Economy Plus. For $39 you can buy four extra inches of leg room. Four inches! It doesn't seem many people are willing to do this because the Economy Plus section on the airplane was completely empty. And there was no way they were going to let us sardines in Economy move up a row or two to spread out a bit. That would completely defeat their attempt at creating and maintaining a system of passenger worthiness based upon how much you're willing to pay for "upgrades."

One of the things that always has amazed me about people who fly on airplanes is the need of many of them to leap to their feet as soon as the plane stops and the fasten seat belt sign goes off. We all know it's going to be a few more minutes before they get the stairway or walkway hooked up and the door open, but there is a contingent of people who seem to insist on being the first to stand in the aisle. It reminds me of people in traffic who swerve in and out of lanes in order to get the next stoplight a few seconds sooner than anyone else. I simply stay in my seat - often to the great distress of people seated in my row who can't get out around me - until the line starts moving. I know I'll see the quick jumpers at the baggage claim. They'll simple have been standing there a couple of minutes before I get there.

Of course more and more people are now not checking baggage since the airlines have imposed a fee for doing so. This was supposed to offset the increase in fuel charges a while back. Of course as soon as the prices dropped back to their previous levels we all expected this charge to disappear. Nope. The thing is, it results in people lugging bags that are way too big to fit in the luggage compartment on the plane with them. It slows the whole boarding process down and makes the cabin even more crowded and uncomfortable that it normally is. But the airlines don't care. The cargo hold is now a money-maker, right? It's amazing to me to see a guy trying to cram his full-size suitcase into a space half the size it would need to be to fit. Usually he ends up checking it at the gate, but I guess he gets out of spending the $15 this way.

On my return flight from O'Hard to Dulles I took a huge, new 767. First Class looks like something out of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Little bed-like pods with everything at your fingertips, a monitor, pillows, blanket. It's basically a bed. And there were lots of people sitting there. For a 90-minute flight?!?! I really don't get it. Maybe the are totally duped by the special attention they get at the gate. It's actually kind of comical.

United puts down two carpets side-by-side. One is blue, the other red. There's a rope connected to some stands to enclose the red-carpet area a bit. If you have the right kind of ticket, you get to walk on the red carpet. If not, you have to walk on the blue. They are side-by-side. One isn't a shorter distance or plusher or anything...just red. However, if you walk on the red one and stop at the rope, the gate agent immediately stops what he or she is doing to open up the rope and let you through. What service! You get to jump ahead of all the low class jerks who didn't over-pay for their flight. You must be important!

It makes me laugh. How easy we are able to be flattered for absolutely no reason!

After First Class there is another one with big, plushy seats and foot rests. I assume this is Business Class. You don't get to lay back completely, but your 90 minutes in the air is going to be a pampered treat. Not too many people seated there. I think the upgrade was around $159. That's $1.77 a minute, and a free drink doesn't justify this, I assume, to most people.

In the back the seats were seven across and the plane was packed. I likes the fact that there were individual TV monitors in front of every seat, but when the person in front of me decided to recline her seat, it sort of pointed my monitor toward my chest instead of my eyes. They had a pretty good selection of films available. I opted to watch Frost/Nixon - until I realized that it's impossible to watch a two-hour film in 90 minutes. Oh well, at least I now know I want to rent it.

Some people seem extremely nice and courteous when they travel, but there are always a bunch of jerks. The one that stood out most to me was in Chicago. There is a shuttle that United operates that takes people from Terminal One to Terminal Two and vice verse. I got in line and up stepped a shirmpy little Type "A" man who looked like he was about to come out of his skin. He was obviously in a hurry and very impatient about it. He kept looking around everyone to see what the hold up was, and I'm certain if he could have done it without anyone noticing, he would have snuck past the line to be first on the shuttle.

When it finally arrived, he dashed on board and refused to take a seat, probably because the only one available was in the rear. He tried to stand by the luggage rack, but the driver wouldn't leave until he sat down. Oh, did that make him mad! We travel for the two minutes from terminal to terminal, and as soon as it stops, he jumps up, grabs his bags and bolts out the door. Almost left a cloud of dust. Everyone else exited in a nice, polite orderly fashion.

A few minutes later, when I got to my gate, the first thing I noticed is Mr. In-a-Hurry standing as close as possible to the boarding door, still looking very inpatient and urgent. Of course they didn't start boarding for another 15 minutes, so he had plenty of time to stand there pushing out the arteries in his neck. Amazing.

United did OK this time. I was worried because they were about 0 for 4 leading up to this. I'm not in a great hurry to fly them again, but I see I still have some "miles" to spend before the end of October. We'll see.

I Want My 88 (+ 20) Minutes Back

2008-11-29T00:51:00.004-05:00

There was absolutely nothing worth watching on TV tonight, so I opted to spend $3.99 on a pay-per-view movie that looked interesting - 88 Minutes - starring a pretty good list of talented actors: Leelee Sobieski, Amy Brenneman, Neal McDonough and of course, Al Pacino.

What a horrid trainwreck of a movie pretending to be a major film release! One of the worst I have ever seen.

There are plenty of scathing reviews on IMDB about this film, so I'm not going to rehash the random plot and complete lack of coherent continuity. I just wonder what goes through the minds of supposedly talented people when they read the script (if there was one) and then actually try to put these scenes onto film. I guess a lot of the blame goes to the director, Jon Avnet. He's been around a while, mostly as a TV producer and director, but with a fairly decent list of credentials and credits. He must have forcefully avoided exhibiting any talent when directing this turkey. How could he have NOT seen what he was doing?

The totally goofy thing about this movie is how quickly it jumps from one dead-end plot device to the next. And someone's cell phone rings at least twice in every scene. It's almost as if they realized they had absolutely nothing going for them here, and decided to just try and divert the audience from following too closely. Everyone zips around from place to place with no particular reason, takes a few cell phone calls and then introduces a new suspect when it was obvious to me from almost the start who the bad guy really was. The scene in which Pacino almost gets run over by a firetruck is nothing but laughable.

Also laughable - but in a sad, sorry way - is what they do to Amy Brenneman's character. She is the ultra-efficient, absolutely perfect personal assistant to Pacino's character. Of course her fatal flaw - and the one that makes the whole plot fiasco possible - is that she is gay and allowed herself to be seduced by the psychopathic female killer. Of course! While they nap after wild sex in Pacino's office, the baddie is able to get everything necessary to torment Pacino. And when she comes clean to Pacino and admits what she's done, she begs for forgiveness. Pacino's response has got to go down as one of the worst lines ever in modern American cinema:

If I couldn't forgive you, I wouldn't deserve you.

GAG!

Whenever I watch a movie I truly hope it's going to be outstanding, and I go into it hoping upon hope that it will be thoroughly entertaining. I don't approach films cynically or looking for flaws, which is why it makes me so angry when something like this gets released. It's insulting.

The film's running time is 108 minutes. I kind of expected them to do a High Noon and make the length the same at the title and do it in real time. If they had just cut out a few of the cell phone red herring calls, they probably could have gotten rid of 20 minutes and made it 88. Might even have improved it!

I hope you don't get suckered into paying money to watch this mess. Everyone involved should issue an apology and promise never again to waste our time - or theirs - with such trash.

SNL Fails - Again

2008-11-16T11:11:00.004-05:00

I've criticized Saturday Night Live for what NBC and Lorne Michaels have allowed it to become - safe and formulaic. Each week it's the exact same words, the same order, the same segments at the exact same time. The show broke ground 30 years ago with how new and different it was. It shattered stereotypes. People called it "iconoclastic." Now its a formula that the powers that be seem to be afraid to break. Lately they won't even experiment with something fresh.

This was completely evident in last night's show (11/15/2008) in which Justin Timberlake made an appearance during Weekend Update. He was there saying something about being scheduled to be both the host and musical guest next week, but he has to cancel. So he was going to recap the show that would have been. He nailed it! He did the intro, the monologue, the "we've got a great show" line and everything in between to the "I had a great time" closing. Obviously he and some of the writers are aware of what a formula they have become. In around three minutes, Timberlake did an entire episode of the stale show Saturday Night Live has become. He was very funny and it was the highlight of the show. The clip is available on Hulu. Click here to watch it.

But the main reason I tuned in last night was because of all the non-stop hype this week about the show hiring two new cast members. With Amy Poehler out on maternity leave, apparently Michaels decided he needed a fill-in. Since he must feel Poehler's part would be extremely hard to replace, SNL went with two actresses instead of just one. And the NBC PR people outdid themselves with getting this story placed everywhere.

The two new cast members, Abby Elliott and Michaela Watkins, are apparently God's gift to comedy. Incredible credentials and even a direct connection to Poehler - as if comedy skills somehow rub off from one actor to another. Abby Elliott got the greater share of the hype because she's the daughter of former cast member Chris Elliott and the granddaughter of Bob Elliott of the Bob and Ray comedy team. Apparently she's great with impressions and her flaming red hair invites comparisons to Lucy. According to the press reports, Abby Elliott was going to take SNL to new height of hilarity!

So I watched...and watched...and watched...

I think I saw Watkins as a background extra in a skit about two firefighters trying to talk a suicide jumper down from a building. Maybe.

And Elliott did appear. She was the slate girl in a pretty funny sketch where three male backup dancers mess up a Beyonce music video. She steps in front of the camera with a marker slate and says:

Beyonce Single Ladies music video - take one.

They dance...Beyonce stops the filming. They talk. Elliott comes on again:

Beyonce Single Ladies music video - take two.

They dance...Beyonce stops the filming. They talk. Elliott comes on again:

Beyonce Single Ladies music video - take three.
They dance...Beyonce stops the filming They talk. End.

Wow...they sure put the incredible comedic talents of Abby Elliott to good use. So funny!

Once again, the hype and expectations that Saturday Night Live built up were totally undelivered. I certainly don't blame Elliott or Watkins, but if I was either of them I would be seriously wondering just what the heck NBC and SNL are up to. With all of the publicity, this should have been their moment to shine - to show America what they can do - to make us laugh. Something SNL has seemingly really forgotten how to do. Hey, but at least they aren't breaking format.

Megyn Kelly Crosses the Line - Again

2008-10-28T01:30:00.003-04:00

Josh Orton has an article on The Huffington Post today dealing with the ongoing effort by rational, intelligent people to finally expose the Fox News Network as the horribly biased mouthpiece for right-wing extremism that it has become. It focuses on an "interview" - if you could call it that - conducted by the poster child for conservative intolerance, Megyn Kelly with Obama spokesman Bill Burton.

I'm still at a loss as to what Kelly's job is with the network. I was under the impression she wants to be considered a journalist, but that would require an unbiased approach to the major issues of the day in an attempt to get to the truth. Kelly has no desire to find truth other than her own warped take on it. And her interview with Burton demonstrates that she is more interested in becoming the female Bill O'Reilly. It is so obvious that her purpose here is to blindly support the bias put forth by Fox and her "style" is to talk louder than the guest. Like most of the pompous morons given airtime on Fox (Sean Hannity foremost among them), her technique is to not let the subject of the interview get a word in edgewise. She is quick to jump all over Burton if he tries to respond to her next falsehood, but let him try to make a point and she interrupts him repeatedly in her screechy, horribly bitchy tone that tends to make one's ears bleed.

I'm still convinced this woman's career is based upon the sexual favors she must provide the degenerates who run Fox, because there is absolutely no reason for her annoying, ignorant opinions to be expressed in any public forum.

Here's the video of this one-sided interview in which she desperately tries to defend her employer, and fails miserably.

Desperate Marketing Morons - Sears Edition

2008-10-26T22:36:00.006-04:00

As much as I hate to admit it, I was poking around Yahoo Answers today. They run a whole bunch of advertisements on the site that most people totally ignore. In fact, I'm sure if you asked 100 people - 99 of them wouldn't even know there are ads there - much less what any of them might say.

Well I happened to notice one that is just about the lamest, desperate attempt at marketing that I have ever seen. It's for Craftsman Tools, which is the in-house brand for Sears.

It starts with some animation in which people's faces appear. One guy has something odd on his nose and another is of a woman with a couple of red devil horns. It ends up with the ad on the right called "Share a Scare." It offers you the opportunity to "customize your very own Craftsman Halloween character to email friends and family." HUH?

Let's go back to the advertising boardroom at Sears for a moment. Someone has an idea. We'll let people upload a picture of someone's face and put in onto a body made up of Craftsman tools. We'll make it really, really spooky and then let them email the finished creature to everyone in the world! Of course this will make them want to run out immediately and buy a whole bunch of Craftsman tools.

Someone actually approved this idea and then authorized spending a lot of money to make it happen. Of course it self destructs on October 31st, but more importantly, how in the world is this going to help sell tools? Are the kids who might (highly unlikely) find this appealing in their demographic of quality tool buyers and users?

Good grief! This is not only a lame idea in and of itself, but it is so off the mark that it should have been laughed out of existence instead of actually seeing the light of day. I can only assume the marketers at Sears and the Craftsman division are so desperate that they are willing to try anything.

I'd be real interested to see how many people actually went to the site and spent the time to construct a "Craftsman character" to email to family and friends. If there are more than 10 I'd be very surprised. So sad. Just so you know, this is the what the really cool finished product looks like. It even speaks and says, "There's a little Craftsman in all of us." Impressed?

Marketers Are Morons - Cox Communications Edition

2008-10-26T00:16:00.005-04:00

TV advertising just keeps getting worse and worse. My current nominee for populating their marketing department with total morons is Cox Communications.

Like every other cable company, they are pushing their bundle of services. In the commercial that is currently running there is some lug who tells us it's his anniversary and he bought his wife new phone service. OK, this is totally lame and the people at Cox know it. So he addresses the stupidity of doing such a thing and says he knows it's outlandish and makes him look like a cold-hearted bastard.

Now if they had stayed here and played this with a tongue-in-cheek irony, it might have been OK. Play up the fact that they are fully aware they are suggesting something that no one in their right mind would really do. But they don't. He completely defends his "gift" because it makes so much sense. At this point the commercial becomes totally sexist and sets back the women's movement 40 years.

First of all, he says he "pays all the bills" so he knows how much they are saving. Obviously his moronic wife - who does nothing in the commercial but talk on the phone - isn't capable of handling any of the family's finances. When they finally do allow her to speak, she excitedly tells us that she has been spending her day calling all her friends to let them know about her wonderful anniversary gift.

What a horrible cliche is being perpetrated here. The husband handles the finances and makes all the important decisions; the woman fritters away her time talking on the phone.

This just completely sucks and the people at Cox Communications should be ashamed of themselves. Any woman who watches this commercial should immediately cancel any services she buys from Cox - or as Cox would portray it, have her husband cancel them because she's probably not capable of doing it herself.

Clueless.

Sharapova - 20 Bucks for Charity

2008-10-02T14:21:00.005-04:00

I happen to like Maria Sharapova. She's not only gorgeous, she's tall, talented and an incredible athlete. Plus you never hear about her doing stupid stuff and making an idiot of herself like so many sports stars and celebrities do. Maybe that's faint praise, but today it's a pretty good measure of the quality of famous people.

Sharapova was in the news today because she auctioned off a "date" with herself to benefit charity. Cool, huh? A date with this incredible sports babe! Some guy (not her boyfriend, by the way) won it for $10,000. Wow - 10,000 bucks for a date with Maria. Probably going to be worth every penny. Seems low actually. Don't we all wish we had that kind of money?

Then I did a little math. As good-intentioned as this is, it is also rather sad that people with this kind of money are so greedy. Sharapova earns about $26 million a year from tennis and all her many product endorsements. She is the highest paid female athlete in the world. The $10,000 that she raised is equivalent to $19.23 for someone who earns a more typical $50,000 a year. Like I said, good intentions aside, this is rather pathetic.

Now maybe Sharapova makes all sorts of donations to worthwhile causes that we simply don't know about. I hope so. But the publicity that this stunt has been receiving has some huge negative, unintentional consequences. Especially when you consider that she didn't actually donate the money - or match it. All she's doing is spending an hour or two with some rich guy having a talk and a meal.

This has made me miss the generosity and humanity of Paul Newman ever more.

Jay Busbee has written a short article for Yahoo Sports about this. Read it here.

Nancy Pfotenhauer - Another Daughter of the Devil

2008-09-29T16:01:00.004-04:00

I'm pretty much to the point where I just ignore anyone from the McCain campaign when he or she appears on TV or is quoted in print. It's not only a bunch of poorly spun lies, but it's the same lies over and over again. (Yes, they are STILL contending that Obama was calling Palin a pig when he used that colloquial expression that John McCain has also been know to use on several occasions.)

But lately it seems more and more the primary conveyor of deceit is Nancy Pfotenhauer. I didn't know anything about this person, but I assumed she was in the same league as Dana Perino, Bush's chief liar.

Well, was I wrong! She is worse...much worse! She is really in a league of her own.

When I searched her name on Google, it was interesting to see that the first eight results involved articles or videos in which it is pointed out just how horrible a person McCain has fronting his campaign to the media. Not one positive reference to her or the work she is doing. After I read the article on Daily Kos, I realized just how much of a spawn of Satan we're really being exposed to here. At the risk of copyright violation, I'm going to lift much of what Daily Kos says about Nancy Mitchell Pfotenhauer.

Those eager to audition as high-profile Republican surrogates could profit from studying the resume of Nancy Pfotenhauer. Indeed, Pfotenhauer's career is a blueprint for advancement through the interconnected world of private equity, right-wing think tanks, and the Republican power elite.

Pfotenhauer began her transit through the sometimes shadowy world of these interlocking nodes of conservative power as a student at George Mason University, studying under Walter Williams. (Williams, by the way, is a favorite substitute host for Rush Limbaugh.) Williams acts as a kind of filter for conservative institutions, seeking out promising acolytes from among his students. At 24, Pftoenhauer leveraged her association with Williams and was appointed part of the transition team for then incoming President George H.W. Bush where she advised on appointments to both the Federal Trade Commission and the Interstate Commerce Commission. Almost immediately, Pfotenhauer became a player in the world of policy-drafting, and moved easily in and out of government, lobbying, and conservative think tanks. Eventually she emerged as the "Washington Director"--read lobbyist--for Koch Industries. In 2001, she moved over to the conservative think tank Independent Women's Forum, and currently directs the conservative think tank Americans for Prosperity Foundation. (These two foundations/think tanks share office space and staff.)

The article then goes on to inform us just how twisted and evil Koch Industries is. I admit I had never heard of them, but their record of environmental abuse is horrifying. And their picture of how America should be run would firmly place us as a wealthy-run oligarchy instead of a democracy.

Pfotenhauer is still intimately tied to Koch Industries and I'm certain she will return there following McCain's defeat in November. She'll be patted on the back by all those in the inner circle of the Power Elite for how she conducted herself and will continue spinning the truth to deceive any and all who will listen.

How does someone become so devoid of values? How can someone exist on this planet without a conscience - and even revel in the fact that she is able to so artfully screw people over? There is some strange, warped psychology going on in America today. Nancy Pfotenhauer is the national poster child or our present insanity.

How is this News?

2008-09-17T13:31:00.010-04:00

So the Guinness Book of World Records is releasing their 2009 edition in the next day or two. They get they world's shortest man, He Pingping, and the woman with the longest legs in the world, Svetlana Pankratova to stand on some steps at Trafalgar Square in London. This becomes front-page news on every website in the world and the top story on every television news network.

How? Why? Are we that desperate for a break from wars and politics? Maybe so.

I love how Craig Glenday, and editor with Guinness, says they don't want to turn the promotion for the new edition into a freak show. So in their honorable effort to avoid this, what do they do? Get a couple of freaks to pose with the book so everyone in the world can gawk at them. I especially love the shot of Pingping standing between Pankratova's legs as he does his best to keep eyes forward!

Nice.

Finally - Someone Worse than Ann Coulter

2008-09-17T13:31:00.005-04:00

It's taken a while, but I've finally found someone more deserving of my distaste and scorn that Ann Coulter. Lynn Forester de Rothschild is pure, unadulterated, out-of-touch evil incarnate.

I'm simply going to quote the article that appears on CNN's Political Ticker, because it is so obvious to any rational, thinking human being just how deluded this spoiled rich-bitch is.

Be sure to take note of the fact that, despite her wealth, despite her elevated status in the DNC, despite living on two continents and being the CEO of a "holding company" - her main criticism of Barack Obama is that he is "elitist." Say, what? I suspect the truth has more to do with the fact that she is a racist Republican who was pretending to be a Democrat to further her own twisted agenda. Her true nature is now coming out - but does it really deserse a press conference? How many hard-working, "normal" Americans call a press conference to announce a switch in their political affiliations? Elitist? Ya think?

The article in full:

Prominent Clinton backer and DNC member to endorse McCain

WASHINGTON (CNN) — Lynn Forester de Rothschild, a prominent Hillary Clinton supporter and member of the Democratic National Committee’s Platform Committee, will endorse John McCain for president on Wednesday, her spokesman tells CNN.

The announcement will take place at a news conference on Capitol Hill, just blocks away from the DNC headquarters. Forester will “campaign and help him through the election,” the spokesman said of her plans to help the Republican presidential nominee.

Forester was a major donor for Clinton earning her the title as a Hillraiser for helping to raise at least $100,000 for the New York Democratic senator’s failed presidential bid.

In an interview with CNN this summer, Forester did not hide her distaste for eventual Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama.

“This is a hard decision for me personally because frankly I don't like him,” she said of Obama in an interview with CNN’s Joe Johns. “I feel like he is an elitist. I feel like he has not given me reason to trust him.”

Forester is the CEO of EL Rothschild, a holding company with businesses around the world. She is married to international banker Sir Evelyn de Rothschild. Forester is a member of the DNC’s Democrats Abroad chapter and splits her time living in London and New York.

Why isn't what this woman is doing so obvious to everyone? She wanted a woman in the White House. That was more important to her than any party loyalty or even what is best for the country. It is what would have been best for her and her alone. By supporting and getting McCain elected, she insures that Hillary will have another shot in 2012. Of course she doesn't care that the country will be further devastated as a result. She's so rich it doesn't matter. She lives have the time in London with her "Sir" husband anyway. So the heck with America - "I want a woman president and I want to be instrumental in getting her elected so she will appoint me to an important position and insure my place in history!"

Obvious? Apparently not. But definitely worse than Ann Coulter, who spews hate but doesn't do anything to disguise it. Forester de Rothschild hides behind a smokescreen of respectability. But in reality, she's worse.

Republicans are Terrorists

2008-09-16T13:57:00.003-04:00

I know I'm probably not the first person to come to this realization, but I really feel the focus needs to be diverted from John McCain and toward his political party. McCain is merely the front man, the most public face of the Republican Party. But he's neither smart enough nor crafty enough to be engineering what the Republican Party is doing to this great country.

I've always had problems criticizing or disrespecting John McCain. What he went through in Viet Nam - right or wrong - was a major sacrifice to our nation. He hasn't been the greatest senator we've ever had, but I think for the most part he did his best to represent Arizona over the past many years. He never was - and certainly isn't now - presidential material. That's why the Republicans are running him. He's old and near the end of his career. He can easily be manipulated and will lie on command. I'm not even sure he can differentiate the truth any longer. He is the Party's sacrificial lamb, since the power elite know fully well there is no chance any Republican is going to be elected in 2008 to go to the White House. So they put forward someone they have no conscience about trashing personally or professionally.

So why are the pushing so hard? Why throw Sarah Palin into the mix? Why lie about the lies and continue to hide behind false patriotism?

Because their goal is to take as much as the vote away from the Democrats as possible so that the opposing Party's victory isn't as overwhelming as it would be otherwise. Therefore it will appear the country is still divided enough that a Republican in 2012 might be viable. But it's worse. In their attempt to do this, their ultimate goal is to keep the country divided, on edge, unhappy and fearful. The want to drag America down so they can offer to step in and build it back up.

Isn't this EXACTLY what a terrorist wants to do?

In their ideological zeal and misguided principles, the Republican Party has become worse than Al-Qaeda. They have resources and techniques that a foreign agent couldn't even imagine controlling. They have a ready-and-willing media to spread their poison and the connections to cover up everything they are doing. But make no mistake, their purpose is to harm America to the point where we think they are its salvation and our saviors.

They are sick, sorry, unstable people who should become the victims of their own system. We need a detention center for Republicans. We must take back - and keep - this country in the next election. I only wish we could somehow prosecute everyone in McCain's campaign and demonstrate to his deluded supporters just how wrong they are.

Maybe these two articles will help, but I doubt it. Blindness - especially the mental type - is almost impossible to heal. Especially with facts and knowledge, since most Republicans base their allegiance to the Party on hatred.

Richard Cohen, The Ugly New McCain, Washington Post - click here.

Count the Lies, McCainpedia - click here.

Marketers Are Morons - M and Ms Edition

2008-09-12T14:46:00.004-04:00

I was reading my Time magazine the other day and came across a very odd ad right near the front - premium (read expensive) placement! It wasn't for the typical type of product you see advertised in this serious news publication. It was for, of all things, M&Ms candy.

But there is something strange about it and I had to look closer to figure out what it was. You see, the Mars candy company is promoting its little melt-in-your-mouth-not-in-your-hand candies as a corporate gift through its MY M&Ms program. Well, OK, M&Ms as a gift seems OK to me under most circumstances, but in this context?

Imagine if you just got promoted to vice president, as the ad suggests, and your company honored the occasion with a jar of M&Ms with the company logo on them? Is this really befitting your accomplishment? I think it's kind of cheap and demeaning to tell you the truth. What could you possibly say?

But there is so much more wrong with this ad.

First of all, the colors. Orange sunburst and deep blue? What is that all about? The M&Ms shown in the ad match - orange, blue and white. Seriously NOT your typical M&Ms colors, but maybe that's the point.

Next, the photo shows a tall, older white woman dressed in red - obviously "the boss" - congratulating an Asian woman who is standing next to an Hispanic woman who is near two hot studly white guys. Wait a minute! Where's the black person? All companies and all ad agencies ALWAYS include a black person to prove they aren't racist! Hmmm, could Mars, Incorporated be telling us something here? And if the whole idea is to give an employee some personalized M&Ms for a job well done, where are the M&Ms in the photo?

It appears this ad was either not thought through at all - of they over-thought it. Either way, it's artificial and just plain bad.

Lastly, Mars needs to take a punctuation lesson. You don't form plurals with an apostrophe. Now I know some people say when it's confusing and the "word" is actually letters (ABC, ICBM, M&M, etc.) that you use an apostrophe for the plural. But I don't think that "M&Ms" is confusing - although I admit m&ms is. But they aren't consistent with their usage, so I'm going to fault them. Just use M&Ms all the time and I won't complain any further.

I suspect what is really at work here is typical marketing cluelessness in the halls at Mars, Incorporated. A few years ago someone came up with a way to print things other than little letter "m"s on their candies. Of course nobody really cares because these are good to eat, not pieces of art. You grab a handful, throw them in your mouth and swallow. You don't stop to admire them and you couldn't care less what color it is or what it says on it.

But the powers that be want their investment to earn some payback, so they push the poor marketing managers to sell more personalized M&Ms. But...but...but...so they got with the advertising agency and came up with this horrible idea and are now spending millions of dollars to try and convince people to do it. But corporate America isn't that dumb. They aren't going to turn logoed M&Ms into the next big thing in corporate giving. Sorry...you ARE clueless and just making matters worse in the recoup-your-investment department.

"Congratulations, Bob, you've just been promoted to vice president of worldwide sales! Here's a jar of blue M&Ms with our logo on them as a token of our appreciation."

It's actually kind of funny if it wasn't exactly what the marketing idiots at Mars are hoping to make happen.

Gibson Pwned by Palin

2008-09-11T20:00:00.004-04:00

Much hype was spewed about ABC World News scoring the first full interview with Sarah Palin following her nomination as John McCain's vice presidential running mate. They chose long-time anchor Charles Gibson to go to Alaska and interview the governor one-on-one.

Big mistake.

Everyone loves Charles Gibson - or Charlie as he was known for the 19 years he appeared on Good Morning America. I do too. It's impossible not to appreciate his longevity, his sincerity and his integrity. But his interview skills - at least in this circumstance - fell way short of what we needed in this important first meeting of Sarah Palin with the American media.

First of all, for some reason, he totally swallowed his voice and spoke in an almost inaudible whisper. He tipped his head way down, pulled his reading glasses down to the tip of his nose, and just looked totally uncomfortable and out of his element. How strange for someone who has been in this business for such a long time.

But worse was the manner in which he questioned Palin. It's almost as if he had never interviewed a politician before and didn't know what to expect. He kept asking - actually demanding - a "yes" or "no" from Palin on questions that really do not have that simple of an answer. He should have known better. I don't blame Palin for being a bit frustrated by his repetition of questions that she had already answered to the best of her ability. True, she didn't say "yes" or "no" but a detailed question about a hypothetical world situation cannot be answered this way. He looked foolish.

Palin did not waver. She maintained her cool, called him "Charlie" and stood by her answers. Gibson eventually had to back off because it was obvious he was not going to win.

I hope the next few interviews go better, but Gibson did a horrible job on the first of these sessions. ABC put a lot of trust in him, and rightly so, but so far it has been severely misplaced. I'm very disappointed.

The Fate of Dana Perino

2008-09-10T14:41:00.005-04:00

I found myself wondering the other day about the fate of White House Press Secretary Dana Perino. Her days as the Bush Administration's designated liar are numbered, and I wonder what someone like this with no morals and no ethical compass will do for the rest of her life. After all, she's only 36 years old and has already dug a career pit for herself that I doubt she'll ever be able to crawl out of.

I think it's interesting to take a quick look at her two predecessors. First there was Scot McClellan. He lasted about three years before, as he says, his conscience got the better of him and he resigned. Right now he's plugging his tell-all book and hoping to make enough money not to have to ever send out any resumes again. I want to applaud what he's doing, but I just don't buy it. He was a Bush insider and crony for far too long for me to accept this turnaround in morality. Instead I think he saw the handwriting on the wall and realized there's good chance once they are no longer protected by the Office of the President, most of the members of this gang might well be prosecuted for what they have done to the country and our Constitution. I think he's covering his ass.

Then there was Tony Snow. I really don't know what went through his head. He gave up a very promising career as a respected journalist to become a lying shill for G.W. and Company. I wish I could say he managed to die with the renewed respect of the country and the press corps, but it's just not true. He was a disgrace to his profession and the country. I have no doubt whatsoever that the stress of the job is what made him succumb to colon cancer.

Then there's Ms. Perino. You think maybe she's gotten where she is based upon a few things other than her intellect and ability? Maybe just a little? Like so many others in the Bush Adminstration, Perino is a sacrificial lamb thrown to the wolves. Nobody in the power elite cares what is ultimately going to happen to her. They just wanted someone they thought the press might go a little easier on because she's a woman and she's pretty. Yes, I truly think that's the way they think.

It's pathetic to watch her struggle to match wits with journalists who know what they are talking about and have all the data and facts that she obviously just can't comprehend. So she'll just laugh and smile and try to divert to question to something meaningless instead. I'm truly surprised she hasn't resorted to puffing out her lower lip and telling some insistent reporter that he's being "mean" to her. Boo hoo.

Maybe someone in the corrupt Republican world will give her a job and protect her from the fate that she deserves. Her husband is successful and wealthy (and 18 years older than she is with grandchildren already); he'll probably support her in fine style and ultimately leave her with enough money that she doesn't have to try and be a part of the real world again. He's British, and I wouldn't be suprised if they return to England where no one will know her. I guarantee she will soon be forgotten anyway. The Washington press will certainly say "good riddance" and hope that the next Press Secretary will actually be able to answer a question - and maybe even tell the truth when he or she does so.

I suppose I have the same hope.

New Marketing Sense at Applebee's

2008-07-05T18:47:00.004-04:00

It seems the marketing group at Applebee's has wised up. For far too long their advertising campaign was focused on a dancing apple that had the voice of Wanda Sykes doing ludicrous things like giving a television crew for a tour of its home. It's one of the stupidest, clueless attempts at engaging customers that I have ever seen.

Well it looks like they may have finally wised up and dumped this campaign. I sure hope so. I just saw a new commercial that is pretty forgetable in terms of overall content, but shines for an excellent line of copy.

"Not just Tuesdays or Fridays but every day at Applebee's."

This is excellent in both its top-level branding communication and also its subtext. Multiple meanings in a single line of text. Well done, Applebee's. Glad to finally see some intelligence coming from you and your advertising agency.

Carlin vs. Cosby

2008-06-27T15:49:00.005-04:00

There are several reasons I avoid reading the local newspaper. First of all it bothers me how poorly written so many of the articles are. But I also can't stand the commentary and opinions they allow to creep into their pages. Case in point, there's a letter in today's edition that is criticizing the paper for the amount of coverage they gave the death of comedian George Carlin. I'm going to quote at length from the letter:

This reader pauses to take issue with your dedicating nearly three quarters of a page of coverage to the death of George Carlin. He spent his self-admitted drug-addled life as a purveyor of the purest filth in our language. His only personal claim to fame is that a Supreme Court free speech ruling was named after him.

Compare Mr. Carlin's career achievements to those of a man who, born in the same year, 1937, also chose comedy as a career. I speak of none other than Bill Cosby.

The writer then goes on to cite Cosby's books, recordings, charitable causes and television show. He compares these to Carlin's drug and alcohol addiction and reliance on "filth" to shock audiences. Then he actually criticizes the newspaper for what it will PROBABLY do when Cosby dies and suggests it will in no way honor him in the way that it memorialized Carlin. Yeah, this guy is a moron.

I see it a bit differently. Carlin broke ground and made us look at things from a different perspective. He challenged people to question authority and institutions, to break free from letting other people tell us what to think and to get off our butts and do something about what is going on in the world. I really don't consider him a comedian in the true sense of the word. Yes he was entertaining and could make us laugh, but not by telling jokes. He make us examine all that is silly and meaningless in life. He made us think.

And despite what the letter-writer says, having a Supreme Court free speech ruling named after you is no small claim to fame! What is this jerk's legacy going to be. A stupid letter written to the local paper?

Now I certainly don't want to demean Bill Cosby. He too broke a lot of ground and has been an important influence on many of today's performers. He is a humanitarian and has created some outstanding educational products and some very entertaining programs. But mostly he made us buy Jell-o.

Regardless, attacking the newspaper because it gave too much space to the memorial of a public figure is moronic. Criticizing it for what it might do one day in response to the death of his more favored public figure borders on insane.

This is why I avoid the local paper.

Megyn Kelly Still Stinking Up Airwaves

2008-06-23T17:45:00.003-04:00

There is an article on Digg today that supports my contention that Megyn Kelly is the worst of the worst bimbos on television today posing as "journalists." In a recent episode of her bogus investigative reporting program "Kelly's Court" she brought on two legal analysts to debate whether or not an actor who appears in The Sopranos had a case against a state lottery because he mis-read the number on the ticket. Yes, it's that lame. The thing is, she knew all along what the legalities are and they are clearly defined by each state's lottery commission.

So why was air time given to this pretty much invented new story? Obviously to give all the sorry, sad psycho-sexual chronic masterbaters who fantasise about doing the dirty with Megyn an opportunity to stroke the snake! (You know who you are, you "anonymous" cowards.) This "reporter" has no skills, no brain, not much personality and is on Fox because Fox sucks and she's hot. That's it! (Someone referred to her as a "newsvixen" - perfect!)

Watch Hate by Numbers with Gladstone take a poke at her on Cracked.com here.

Moron Marketers Think We're Morons

2008-06-04T14:45:00.004-04:00

I have come across way too many ads lately that are made by morons who think their audience is made up of morons. I think this is probably symptomatic of the fact that marketers today are desperate and clueless. They don't know how to reach people any more. Mass media is no longer a viable medium, and personal media is too hard for them to learn how to use effectively. They're used to just throwing a lot of money at people and hoping enough sticks to keep their product alive. But it's not working any more. So they keep trying to come up with more cutting edge creative, more outrageous claims and messages that won't be completely ignored by huge masses of people.

This is an ad I found for what I think is a company that makes emergency radios. It's really hard to tell from the ad. Red Cross gets much more prominence, but I think that's just because they figure that will get more attention than their no-name name. It's really a mess from a creative and communication standpoint. A total waste of money.

But what really makes this ad stupider than stupid is the sub-headline:

Emergencies struck 82% of Americans last year*

Did you notice the asterisk? If you look down below, in tiny, tiny type there is another asterisk that says, "*based on a survey of 1000 people." What? They are saying that 246,000,000 Americans were struck by an emergency (whatever that means) last year (whatever year that was) because 820 out of 1000 people surveyed said they were? What did they do? Go into a town following a tornado? Find a coastal city hit by a hurricane? Heck, if they talked to people from New Orleans, they could have gotten the statistic up to 100%! What crap!!!

This is so bogus - and really insulting. Anyone who responds to this ad based upon the company's fraudulent manipulation of an obviously flawed statistic should be outraged. Like I said, they are morons and they think their potential customers are morons too. But this ad is so inept anyway, I doubt there are going to be many customers who respond. Scare tactics and spin are not the way to sell products or build a brand. I will not be the least bit sorry when this company (I can't really even tell you their name based upon this crappy ad) when this company disappears.

ESPN and the WCWS

2008-06-03T22:28:00.004-04:00

I just watched the women's softball team of Arizona State totally destroy Texas A&M at the Women's College World Series (WCWS) in Oklahoma. Katie Burkhart, the left-handed pitcher for the Sun Devils, was in total command. She only needed one run to get the shutout victory, but her team gave her 11 runs unanswered by the Aggies.

Women's softball is an interesting and unique sport. It's only sort of baseball, but I really enjoy watching it. It's so girlish - I don't know what other word to use. In what other sport do the players hold hands in the dugout and throw kisses to the camera? I also don't know of any sport - except perhaps volleyball - where they have as many team meetings during a game. The coach will call time out in the middle of an inning and have all the baserunners, the batter and the on-deck batter will form a circle to discuss what? - "strategy?" No, I think it's more of a "feel-good" moment where they validate each other as an important person somehow.

I had never heard of Beth Mowins, the announcer for ESPN, but I was very impressed. She's got a classic female sports announcer's voice, conveys great enthusiasm and really seems to know her stuff. She's articulate and intelligent, and does a great job of keeping the flow going. They teamed her with three former NCAA women's softball players, all of whom did a good job of sharing their expertise with the viewers.

The only male on the crew was John Kruk. Wait...what? John Kruk? Where the heck did they drudge him up - and more importantly, why? Even though he played professional baseball for 11 years and did OK (a lifetime .300 average), he certainly has no particular insights into women's softball! He seemed totally out of his element and was more comic relief than color commentator. Particularly sad was a little filler segment in which Michelle Smith, who has two Olympic gold medals and is in the American Softball Association's Hall of Fame, threw him a few fast balls while he just stood in the batter's box and watched them go by. It reminded me of the All Star game several years ago where he faced Randy Johnson and looked like a Little Leaguer popping out of his too-small uniform. I remember him just laughing and waving the bat at the ball. Good bye. K. Sit down. The topper was when Smith tossed him a grapefruit - a real grapefruit - and the crew got a good laugh as Kruk splattered it all over the place. Yep, comic relief.

Anyway, it was an interesting series to watch and well produced. Congratulations to Arizona State for their first national title. They deserve it, and Katie Burkhart should be given the MVP.

Scot McClellan Not Fooling Me

2008-05-31T18:27:00.007-04:00

For the past couple of days it's been impossible to watch any television news program without seeing the face of Scott McClellan hawking his new book, What Happened, about the Bush administration. The liberal media seems to be appreciative of yet another insider bashing the establishment, while everyone on the right is vilifying him as the spawn of Satan.

Now, I admit I haven't read the book and I usually take umbrage with people who criticize things like video games, books, television shows and movies without actually having seen them. But I have watched several interviews, including the extended one with Keith Olbermann on his MSNBC Countdown program. At least I've had the opportunity to hear Scott McClellan talk at great length about his work in his own words.

I don't see this as a revealing expose of the liars in the Bush administration. I see it as someone who knows he did wrong and is scared shitless he's going to have to pay for his crimes. It's so transparent, I don't know why I haven't heard this critique elsewhere. The Washington Post even talks about the book as McClellan "looking back on the most painful time of his life." Poor Scotty! Read the article for yourself here.

The first thing the next president of this country MUST do is hold all of the criminals who have run this country for the last eight years accountable for their actions. Each and every one should be prosecuted for treason and the murder of over 4000 brave American soldiers. McClellan is smack dab in the middle of the group with Rumsfeld, Libby, Cheney, Bush, Rice, Rove and all the rest.

The book is his attempt to deflect the blame that is due him. "I didn't want to do it! They made me lie. I asked them if they were telling the truth!" Bull! He knew what was going on and for almost three years was just as much a part of crafting the deceptions that came out of the White House as anyone else in the administration. He knows they are going to have to pay for what they did. He's just hoping this "confession" and its protestations of innocence will get him off the hook.

I don't think a judge or jury will buy it. I hope they don't.

The timing of the book is also much more than a coincidence. If he had waited until the next president takes office - which is what he would have done if he cared about anyone but himself - then it wouldn't have the same impact. America is so eager to move on and put the evils of the past eight years behind us, that we're not going to want to spend a lot of time looking back other than to correct all the screws ups that have been heaped upon us. McClellan's book would be just another in the heap of criticisms of the Bush years and wouldn't get nearly the notice that's coming now. Everyone is going to write a book claiming he or she isn't responsible anyway - especially if McClellan's transparently deceptive ploy works.

Also, by coming out with the book now, when Bush-bashing is reaching its peak, he stands to make more money. His non-stop appearances on every accommodating media outlet is proof to me that profit, much more so than any false attempt to clear his conscience, is at the heart of this sham. McClellan is going to need the money. Not only is it unlikely he will ever get another job as long as he lives, but he's going to need to hire some outstanding lawyers just to keep himself out of jail.

I hope it all fails. I hope he ends up doing hard time with all of the traitors and murderers who have led this country into its sorry economic and political state. McClellan might be fooling all those talk show hosts who want to interview him, but he's not fooling me. McClellan was the leading liar to the American public for three miserable years and his wimpy claims of being deceived by everyone he worked with and for is just sad - and shameless. He deserves to be in a federal prison and I hope he gets to share a cell with his beloved boss.

Incredible Jeopardy Buzz

2008-05-25T11:25:00.004-04:00

I'm a huge Jeopardy fan. I guess I'm not alone, but certainly among the people I associate with at work, I am oddly unique. They couldn't care less. So the fact that a soft-spoken graduate student from the University of California at Berkley has got the Jeopardy world buzzing is quite exciting to me!

Her name is Larissa Kelly. She's won four games, has earned over $140,000 and is now the top-winning woman in the history of the show. People are already referring to her as the next Ken Jennings, who won an incredible 74 contests. Yes, she does have a way to go.

Amazingly, both her sister and husband have appeared on the show. Neither won. Ironically her husband, Jeff Hoppes, competed against Jennings during his amazing run of victories.

I missed the show on Friday, so thank goodness there is a vast network of Jeopardy fanatics on the Internet who blog and report about the show. In fact, there is something called the j-archive where they actually log the answers given by each contestant, chart their money and show what the recommended wager should have been based upon the situation. At first I thought this is really going a bit far...people with way too much time on their hands. But I found myself strangely attracted to it and analyzing a few shows. Scary. But thanks to these kinds of obsessive fans, I was able to immediately learn that Kelly won yet again and will be back on Monday. I'll be watching.

On a side note, these shows were taped back in February. I guess they do a good job of keeping the results a secret until the shows actually air. That only makes sense. Still, there are people out there who know how well Kelly ultimately did on the show. Or for that matter that she is sill winning and still taping new shows. Kind of bugs me. Sort of like when you can't watch the Super Bowl or last game of the Word Series and then tape it. You know the world knows the outcome, but you don't.

Anyway, I hope Larissa Kelly does extremely well and is on the show for a long time. She is so much fun to watch with her slight Boston accent, meek, quite voice - and incredible confidence when it comes to daily doubles and final wagers. Good luck!

Quiznos Marketers are Paranoid Morons

2008-05-20T00:03:00.005-04:00

The world of advertising continually amazes me with how many morons work in the industry - and how the lawyers dominate everything they do. Case in point - the new campaign from Quiznos in which people eat a five dollar bill. They are trying to make the point (I think) that Quiznos sandwiches are inexpensive and you'd be better off spending the money on something to eat. Kind of obvious, but like I said, they're morons.

The commercials are well done, if the concept is a bit lame. What amazes me is why they feel the compulsion that ALL advertisers feel to put up a cautionary disclaimer, "Dramatization. Do not attempt."

What in the word are they afraid of? That someone out there will watch this commercial and think, "Oh, it's OK to eat money. I think I'll give it a try." And then sue Quiznos for recommending it? Is there any judge in the world that would even allow this case to be heard? Of course, as I write this, I'm realizing that the same mentality of the lawyers that require this super be placed on the spot would result in some of them taking the case and trying to suck a few million dollars out of Quiznos.

It just all seems so stupid to me. Like all of the pharmaceutical ads the ALWAYS include, "See our ad in...." and then whatever magazine they feel is most suitable. Just covering their butts, right? Maybe. But it's the work of morons trying to protect themselves from even stupider morons.

Do not attempt. Gosh, and just when I was really wanting to put a filthy five dollar bill in my mouth!

Six Flag Marketers are Morons - and Racists

2008-05-15T23:52:00.003-04:00

The Six Flags theme parks don't have a clue how to market themselves to the American public. Remember the odd, old guy who did the weird dance a few years ago? A lot of people talked about it, but nobody said anything positive. Perhaps the morons in the Six Flags marketing department subscribe to the philosophy that any publicity is good publicity - even if it's horrible. I totally disagree.

Well now they have a series of commercials on the air in which someone does something not very fun (playing with hand puppets, shining a light on the wall to tease your cat, etc.). There is a graphic of six flags called a "fun-o-meter" at the bottom of the screen. Several of them are posted on YouTube. Take a look if you haven't seen them.

Then the disembodied head of an Asian guy appears in a pop-up circle and yells, "One flag!"

Cut to people riding roller coasters at a Six Flags park. After a moment the Asian head appears again and yells, "More flags. More fun. Six Flags!"

Of course he does this is a horrible, stereotypical accent reminiscent of the old Charlie Chan movies in which a white guy in comical makeup talks in broken Engrish. ("Ah so, number one son...")Why would anyone at Six Flags think this is a good way to advertise their parks? How could anyone actually listen to a presentation of this concept and then go so far as to approve it? Did someone from the agency adopt a phony Japanese accent and yell "More flags!"? Did people smile and say, "yeah, I like that...good job!"? And once they saw the finished spot, why wouldn't a single brain cell fire in anyone's head when it was so obvious that this is just horrible, racist crap?

Oh wait, I forgot. The idiots in the marketing department at Six Flags think any publicity is good publicity. Even if people think you are evil and stupid, Even if people roll their eyes when they talk about your rotten commercial. The problem is, people will go to Six Flags in droves this summer. The parks are incredibly popular. The morons at Six Flags will think it has something to do with their marvelously creative and cutting edge advertising campaign. But it won't. Most people won't even see it or ever know about it. And people don't care enough about things like this to actually boycott the park. Go ahead and pat yourselves on the backs, Six Flags marketers. You're clueless anyway, so tell yourselves lies.

Six Flags...More Dumb!

Poor Choice of Words

2008-05-15T23:25:00.004-04:00

I don't watch America's Next Top Model. The few clips I've see of the program are painful enough to watch. I can't image what it would be like to try and watch an entire episode - or season. Bored, I was watching the E! television network - and of course, coverage of the season finale of the show was very prominent.

A very attractive girl named Whitney has won! She is 20 years old, from Atlantic Beach, Florida and a big deal has been made about her being the first plus size model to win the competition. (You mean it's been on long enough for there to be other winners?) She's 5' 10" tall and a size 8-10. I understand that past winners are more like a size 2.

As part of her winning, I guess she's going to be on the cover of an upcoming Seventeen Magazine. On E! they interviewed a woman named Ann Shocket, who is apparently well-known in the industry and is a senior editor with the publication. She's sitting in the lobby of the magazine's headquarters and actually says:

Whitney is going to have a HUGE (long pause) career!

Could she have chosen a more inappropriate word? All I could do is chuckle and shake my head.

Why You Must NOT Vote for McCain

2008-05-08T23:57:00.004-04:00

I received something very interesting in the mail today. It was addressed to me - not just "occupant" or something impersonal like that. It was from John McCain and the Republican National Committee. Inside the envelope was a letter their Victory 2008 Critical Issues Survey.

The letter was a bit disturbing because it referenced "Republicans like me." I am not now and have never been a Republican. I have never voted for a Republican presidential candidate nor have I ever registered as a Republican. So either the Republican National Committee has some serious database problems - or more likely, they are devious swine who are trying to persuade people precisely through deceptions like these. Once I took a look at the survey, I knew my latter assumption was correct!

First of all, one of the "instructions" on the survey is to enclose your most generous gift to ensure the success of the Victory 2008 Survey Project. Yeah, right!

The survey starts off innocuous enough. It asks some pretty lame, obvious questions about the economy, taxes and the federal deficit. I mean, who doesn't want more jobs, lower taxes, reduced federal spending and the elimination of special interests?

Section II gets scary though. The wording of the questions is so blatantly biased that after I chuckled, I realized the Republican Party is just as corrupt as ever - and truly has no concern for the American people that they profess to want to serve.

For example, here are the questions listed under National Security:

Should the first foreign policy priority of the next President be winning the war against radical Islamic extremists?
Should America surrender to Iraq regardless of the consequences in the Middle East?
Do you agree with Democrats who believe national defense spending should be slashed in order to fund domestic programs?
Do you support giving our law enforcement agents the tools they need to monitor terrorist communications?
Do you believe we should set a public date for withdrawing from Iraq even if it undermines our troops in the field?

Look at the words used! "The war against radical Islamic extremists" - what "war?" "Surrender to Iraq?" - surrender??? "Undermines our troops?" What blatant propaganda! I have to believe only an ignorant, dumb ass Republican wouldn't see through this for the manipulation it is! Joseph Goebbels would be proud.

The rest of the survey is just as bad and reads like a laundry list of disastrous Bush policies, putting a twisted spin on each one so that it sounds even remotely worthwhile.

Some more examples:

Should we appoint judges who will interpret the law instead of liberal activists who will make new laws from the bench? (What the hell?)
Do you think we should work to give parent with children trapped in failing schools more choices to help their children have a better future? ("Trapped" in failing schools? Naw, we should just abandon kids to crime, poverty and ignorance.)
Do you believe it is critical that our candidates stand behind a hard-charging conservative message of smaller government, lower taxes, new jobs and a strong national defense? (Why not just change the laws and try to re-elect Bush for eight more years?)
Are you concerned about the vast sums of campaign funds being stockpiled by the Democrats and their liberal allies? (Give me a break!)

Every Republican should be kicking him- or herself anyway for voting for Bush. If they make the same mistake this time around and vote to maintain the status quo, the kick should turn into self-inflicted waterboarding. This is why it is imperative that McCain not even come close to the White House. Everything that the Republicans have done to destroy this country in the past eight years will just continue. Don't do it! Don't support McCain. Let the Republicans know they had their chance and completely blew it.

And to the Democrats who got elected on a platform of change - get off your asses and do what you promised the American public you were going to do! NOW!

Personally, I hope we see a Gore/Obama ticket this fall. And not a Republican in sight!

Thank the Umps for Not Knowing Rules

2008-04-30T23:25:00.003-04:00

The sporting world is all abuzz lately about what happened in a women's college softball game between Western Oregon and Central Washington on April 27th. It's an incredible, touching tale of true sportsmanship.

A rather diminutive senior for Western Oregon, Sara Tucholsky, hit the first home run of her college career with two on in a 0-0 playoff game. In her exuberance somehow she missed touching first base. As she went back to the bag, she managed to completely destroy her knee. The umpires said if she could get back to first base then Western Oregon could let a pinch runner complete the bases, but that Tucholsky would be credited with a two-run RBI single, and not a home run. If anyone from her team touched her, she would be called out.

So two players from Central Washington stepped in and carried Tucholsky around the diamond, helping her touch each base. What a wonderful example of what sports is all about! It puts to shame all the jerk coaches and parent-managers out there to whom there is no reason to play anything other than to win. I can think of several "coaches" for whom I have either played or competed who would have used this opportunity to argue that the runs shouldn't count, the batter should be called out and that they are going to only play the remainder of the game under protest.

The sad part of the story is that the umpires got it wrong. If it weren't for their ignorance, this wonderful story of respect and compassion wouldn't have reached its huge level of popularity. You see, the rule clearly states:

If an injury to a batter-runner or runner prevents her from proceeding to an awarded base, the ball is dead and the substitution can be made. The substitute must legally touch all awarded or missed bases not previously touched.

When she fell to the ground, all Western Oregon had to do it pull a substitute runner from the bench to complete the trip around the bases. Tucholsky would be credited with her home run and this never would have made it to the national media.

I guess I'm glad the umpires didn't know the rules as well as they should. It's such a fantastic moment that I'm sure it will be replayed many more times in years to come. It should. And every coach and team that forgets how wonderful sports can be should look at the photo of Central Washington's two players helping their opponent achieve her magical, memorable moment.

An excellent article about this game can be found on ESPN.com written by Graham Hays.

Marketing Morons at Vitamin Water

2008-04-30T22:53:00.004-04:00

There's a new, wonderful example on television right now that supports my position that marketers are by and large total idiots. It's for Vitamin Water, which is a rather strange product in and of itself, but I know it's gaining in popularity. I guarantee the reason is that it's water that has vitamins in it - not this moronic commercial and the "strategy" behind it.

It starts with two guys acting as sports commentators but they are announcing a televised performance by the National Symphony. However, the conductor has been replaced by Curtis Jackson, aka 50 Cent. OK, so the first attempt is to appeal to guys who watch sports - I guess. I don't know why else they start the spot this way.

Then 50 Cent takes a sip of Vitamin Water while some other rapper replaces the first viola. Not quite sure what this is supposed to signify.

Then, as 50 Cent starts conducting the symphony the beat changes to his "hit" In Da Hood. The announcer actually say he "integrates" his song. A black rap artist "integrates" what looks to be a pretty much all-white symphony. How do I even express in words the stupidity of this choice of words?

After some business about a trombone player, the commercial goes to a product shot that does nothing to identify the product, its brand name or logo.

So after first trying to appeal to sports guys, they try to appeal to young, urban black men. Then sophisticated symphony-goers, then....heck, I don't know. By trying to mix styles and appeal to everyone, they end up appealing to no one. It's just a shoddy, ill-conceived mess that makes me cringe every time I see it.

I guarantee the appeal of this product has far more to do with its healthful benefits than with 50 Cent drinking it before he conducts a symphony orchestra. They need to position it for what it is and for why it will click with the American public. Right now, they are clueless and completely wasting their marketing budget.

Fate Takes Us to the Newseum

2008-03-29T23:43:00.006-04:00

Something very cool and unexpected happened to my son and me today. We decided to pay a visit to Washington, D.C. It was the first day of the Cherry Blossom Festival and it's always nice to look at pretty, pink flowers, right? (Yeah, right!) What we really wanted to do was ride the Tourmobile around the city and perhaps look at a monument or two. If you luck out you can get a really good tour guide who is both entertaining and educational.

Well, the trip didn't start out too well. We drove to the Vienna Metro station to catch the train, and the parking lot was completely full. There were also at least a dozen cars waiting to grab any spot that might come available, so we decided to keep driving toward the city and try a different station. Fortunately there were lots of spots at the West Falls Church station, so we parked and hopped the train.

We got off at Union Station, and no one could tell us where to buy tickets for the Tourmobile. The guy behind the Information desk suggested we just go outside, look for the tram stop and buy the tickets from the driver. Well, we finally did find the stop - and after 30 minutes - the tram still hadn't arrived. Pretty boring. Then, guess what! They don't take credit cards unless you buy your ticket from one of their ticket booths, which no one could tell me where it is!

We got frustrated and started walking toward the Capitol. My son was miffed and I was frustrated, but it must have been fated to happen because we got really lucky.

As we walked down the hill from the Capitol we found ourselves on Pennsylvania Avenue at the Canadian Embassy. Next door there was a lot of activity at something called the "Newsuem." A gentleman wearing a green windbreaker with this word printed on it approached us and invited us to a pre-opening visit to this new interactive museum devoted to the news media. He promised us we'd have a good time and that we'd come out "with a smile on our face!" How can you say "no" to that?

We went in and were totally wowed! It doesn't open officially until April 11th, so there were a few areas and exhibits that weren't quite ready, but all in all this is an amazing facility. You start with a short movie on the lower level and then take a glass elevator up to the sixth floor and work your way down.

The first thing we saw was an incredible collection of newspaper front pages going back hundreds of years. It's really cool to see the headlines of the major events of world history and we spent a lot of time in this area. The American Revolution - The Civil War - The Titanic - World War I - Rise of the Nazi Party - World War II - Korea - Kennedy Assassinations - Viet Nam - Moon Landing - 9/11 - all there, and much more! As you move down to lower levels you get to experience the birth and growth of broadcast media and how important this became to politics in the middle of the 20th century. There are some excellent exhibits on the First Amendment to the Constitution, and a moving tribute to journalists who have died in the pursuit of stories.

There are also some truly fun things to do at the Newseum. You get to stand before a news camera and read a story from a teleprompter. They give you a still photo of your appearance and you can download the video from their website. There's a 4-D movie theater (3-D glasses and a trip through time), which we did not get to visit, and several interactive displays that allow you to perform a lot of newsroom-type tasks. It's very up-to-day with lots of displays on digital media, blogs and video of news events recorded on cell phones.

Two very interesting exhibits are devoted to the Berlin Wall and the 9/11 attacks. There are several sections of the actual Wall on display as well as some twisted remains of the World Trade Center. One wall is covered with all of the world's newspaper headlines about the attack, and it's hard not to stand there and read each and every one.

The only criticism I have of the facility is its snack bar. For some reason they teamed with Wolfgang Puck so everything is extremely overpriced. Our lunch - which consisted only of a sandwich, a personal pizza, some chips and drinks came to $28! We were so hungry we didn't quibble, but I really think everything available was priced at twice what it should be.

So despite a rather frustrating start, our trip to D.C. turned out to be better than if we had ended up riding the silly Tourmobile! It's nice when things like this happen unexpectedly. I hope the Newseum does well. It's going to have to complete will all the national free museums in the area, but its offering is special and unique. Plus their decision to invite pre-opening visits like ours should work out well. I know I for one will be telling people it's an excellent new place to go.

Dan Abrams is a Doofus

2008-03-29T23:11:00.004-04:00

I am regularly appalled by the garbage that networks like Fox, CNN and MSNBC pass off as "news" on their shows. There's a horrible war raging in the Middle East that has resulted in over 4000 dead Americans. We have an extremely important presidential election coming up in a few months. The housing market is crumbling and taking our economy with it. The pharmaceutical companies have taken control of the FDA and are literally killing people in the name of profits.

So what does Dan Abrams do on a recent show? He "exposes" American Idol for letting some contestants onto the show who formerly had recording contracts! OH MY GOD!

The thing is, first of all, Abrams admits he doesn't watch the show and isn't a fan. He can't pronounce the names of the contestants and is totally clueless as to why so many millions of people enjoy the program so thoroughly. So why the hell is he expressing an opinion? He obviously has done no research and is just trying to create controversy where none really exists. In fact, other organizations jumped on this non-story weeks ago with no real consequence. So why is Abrams so far behind everybody else? Could it be that he has absolutely no journalistic skills whatsoever and shouldn't even be on TV? YES!

So he gets two former Idol contestants - who see no problem with letting on contestants who might have at one time recorded professionally - and some dolt who is obviously there to agree to everything Abrams says. Of course Abrams won't let the former contestants finish anything they try to say because he has to inject his outraged ignorance at every opportunity.

Where he really shows his stupidity, though, is when he suggests that if Mariah Carey was currently "between contracts" even she could compete on the program - and how unfair this would be to the other contestants! The thing is, Carey is well known and famous. The producers and judges - who have absolute control over who makes it into the competition - would not permit her to compete. None of the other contestants are famous. None are well knows by the American public. None have sold millions of records, played to sold-out concerts and appeared on dozens of television shows. They aren't rich. They are talented people who are looking for a break. If Abrams can't see the difference, then he's just a moron. And the fact that he is trying so hard to stir up a non-existent controversy, just proves it. But I guess that's what MSNBC is all about, isn't it?

Maybe Abrams is just jealous that on a bad night, American Idol has something like 120 times the audience of any MSNBC show. Heck, MSNBC can't even generate the same audience as most large-market evening news broadcasts! Abrams' attempt at slamming the show is obviously a desperate attempt at "creating" news where there is none, and it only makes him look idiotic. No one who knows the show - and enjoys it - is going to give Dan Abrams any credence whatsoever, so what's the point? Go stalk Britney or Lindsay, Dan, and keep yourself down on their level where you belong.

Tarantino is Dead to Me

2008-03-16T16:12:00.004-04:00

I've had really mixed about Quintin Tarantino for a long time. I know there are a lot of critics out there who think he is the Orson Wells of his generation and can do no wrong, but I certainly see tremendous inconsistency in his work. And no small touch of complete insanity!

There's no doubt he's a very odd human being. Whenever I see him on a talk show or being interviewed, it's very obvious there's a totally off-kilter person inside that hyper, bubbly exterior. This comes through in his work as an actor too. If you didn't know who he was, you'd think they had done a very strange job of casting for that particular role. "What's with the weird looking tall dude who acts so geeky?"

Well, when he and Robert Rodriquez teamed up for their Grindhouse double feature last year I had high hopes. Rodriguez is more of an auteur - if anyone still uses that term - than most anyone else working in films today. He writes, direct, shoots - heck he even scores his own films and has a style that is distinct and interesting. Tarantino aspires to be this type of all-around filmmaker, but I don't think he has the requisite talent. He's just weird.

Back to Grindhouse.

When it came out, I just couldn't force myself to shell out the money to go see it. Part of me wanted to take the risk, but I was seriously afraid that I wouldn't be able to endure almost four hours of an attempt at bad filmmaking by people who have access to all of the top technology available in the world today. I know the movie did horrible at the boxoffice, so I felt somewhat relieved that I didn't make a monetary contribution. Then I saw that the videos - now separated into two films - were available "exclusively" at Blockbuster. But you know what, I still had that funny feeling that I was going to shell out three or four bucks and be horribly disappointed. Also, which one should I get and/or watch first? Rose McGowan with a machine-gun leg is pretty intriguing, but would that be enough? I decided not to make a decision and didn't rent either one.

Now Tarantino's film, Death Proof, is playing on one of the cable premium channels. No more excuses. I decided to watch.

What a sorry excuse for a film! There is nothing campy, interesting or redeeming about the entire work. I wonder what was going through the minds of the cast - a pretty decent one at that - when then were shooting these boring, overly talky scenes. I can only assume they deferred to Tarantino's "genius" and figured he knew what he was doing. Of course when he injected himself repeatedly into the bar scenes and over-acted his way to embarrassment - I have to wonder if they weren't starting to wise up by then.

I really want my 90 minutes back. I feel cheated, even though I technically I didn't pay anything to watch it. The two action scenes in the movie are exciting and well done. But the price one has to pay in order to get to them far exceeds their value. Women sitting around drinking, talking tough, chain smoking and cursing is 90% of Death Proof. It's Tarantino hiring a bunch of very nice looking woman and then masturbating in his mind over having sex with them. And we, poor unfortunately sucked-in viewers, have to endure his imaginary camera sex. Or not. I did because I kept wondering where this horrible excuse for art was going to go. Obviously America's movie-goers did not, hence the anemic receipts. Now I see why. Glad I didn't contribute anything to the bottom line.

It's going to be a long, long time before I let Tarantino sucker me in to watching anything he does in the future. Actually, after Grindhouse, I hope he doesn't get the opportunity.

Spitzer's Wife is Pathetic

2008-03-11T07:32:00.002-04:00

OK, the news today is dominated by Eliot Spitzer, the governor of New York, who just got caught paying for a night with a call girl. He immediately calls a press conference to apologize to just about everybody. I don't really care about the details and the fact that this man is a total hypocrite with a total warped sense or morals.

The thing that strikes me is how his moronic wife not only stands at his side, but plasters herself against him at the podium as he asks for forgiveness. Occasionally she looks up adoringly at Client #9, but mostly her eyes are on the paper from which he's reading. What is she doing? Making sure he reads the words correctly and doesn't leave anything out?

What a sorry, pathetic excuse for a woman. I suppose some people see this as dedication and devotion to her man, but I see it as yet another woman who has absolutely no identity of her own. Being the wife of the governor of New York gives her status. Being the indignant, wronged ex-wife of the governor of New York gets her nothing. So she is willing to swallow her pride and "stand by her man" as his career tanks. Hmm...kind of reminds me of someone else whose husband showed his lack of character but put it behind her to further her political goals.

I feel sorry for Silda Wall Spitzer, but I have absolutely no respect for her.

Sign on Truck - Yeah, Right!

2008-02-18T17:22:00.006-05:00

I saw this sign on the back of a truck as I was driving in to work today. It reads:

STAY 200 FEET BACK
NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
VEHICLE DAMAGE

I imagined the back of the truck flying open and all sorts of who-knows-what flying out and totally screwing up my car. I stop the driver to get his insurance information and he just points to the sign. "Sorry, not responsible."

I then imagined quickly grabbing a pen and paper and writing out a sign that says:

NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MURDER

And then cracking his head open with a baseball bat. Think it would hold up in court? What kind of idiot at the trucking company thought by making some dumb-ass sign that he could absolve themselves of all responsibility for being reckless with their loads?

Morons everywhere.

I Really Don't Get 50 Cent

2008-02-02T22:40:00.000-05:00

There's a brief article in a recent Time Magazine about the possible use of steroids by Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson. I don't really care much about that. If he wants to bulk up, then fine. Of course there are probably millions of impressionable youth out there who will want to emulate his look, but that's fodder for a different rant.

What I don't get is the silly, laughable "look" of 50 Cent. I know I'm not anywhere close to his demographic and I'm very distant from his culture, but he just looks like a sorry parody of someone's lame idea of inner-city cool. Is it really appealing to drop the pants down to show the white boxers? And what's with the skullcap and tilted Yankees cap? It looks so calculated to be "hip" - but it's just lame. I know a lot of people think he is the most iconic representation of their style, but I can't do anything but laugh at how silly he looks.

Sorry, I don't get it. Never will. Not sure I want to.

The Gnome is a Jerk

2008-02-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

Well, now there's another airline that I really don't want to ever fly again. This time it's US Airways. The strange, ironic thing is that I booked my latest trip on this airline specifically to avoid flying on United. In many ways, they ended up being worse.

But I really want to blame Travelocity more than US Airways. I booked the flights through them, and their system is really messed up. Even more so than the airline's system.

Here's the sad story.

I booked a flight to and from Miami to attend a professional conference. I decided to use Travelocity because I wanted to find alternative flights than the usual United ones that I would normally take. Everything seemed to go fine with the booking and it was only on the day of the flight that things went bad.

I got an e-mail from Travelocity letting me know my flight was canceled and they had re-booked me on two other alternatives. I really don't know why they did this, unless they were trying to give me a choice. So I called them. Of course the rep could barely speak English and put me on hold at least three times, but at the end of the call he told me I was booked on a later US Airways flight and I would connect in Charlotte on American Airlines. However, when I tried to print my boarding pass online, it wouldn't accept my confirmation code. So I called US Airways. They told me I was on a different flight. Nice, huh?

So I went to the airport and got on the flight to Charlotte. I gave them my one bag, and yes, that was the last I've seen of it. It NEVER showed up in Miami and no one has been able to track it. Gone. No one knows what city it's in or if it ever even made it onto an airplane. I've made at least six calls about it, and no one can tell me a thing. I'm not even sure if it's the responsibility of American or US Airways!

OK, so I spent three days in Miami without a change of clothes or a razor. The hotel gave me a toothbrush, and I finally had to go buy some clean underwear and socks.

For some reason, probably because I flew from Charlotte to Miami on American Airlines (booked by US Airways) they canceled my return ticket. It's that old computer bugaboo that says if you don't take the last leg of your flight as the computer expects you to, you must not have ever gotten to your destination and don't need the return flight. United has done this to me. Now US Airways. According to this "logic" I was still in Charlotte, probably just sitting in the airport hoping one day to get to Miami. Idiots!

I called US Airways and after about 30 minutes on the phone got re-booked on my return flight. Well, guess what? At the airport the flight was delayed enough that I would not make the connection in Pittsburgh to Dulles! So they re-booked me yet again, on a flight four hours later.

So the return trip took 12 hours from the time I showed up at the airport until I finally got back to Washington. And no, I still don't have my luggage.

Air travel has gotten to be such a nightmare lately. I wish I could drive everywhere I have to go, but there's a big difference between traveling 60 miles per hour and 400. It's incredible stressful and has become a thoroughly demeaning process!

A Cynical Prophesy

2008-01-25T14:30:00.000-05:00

I freely admit I am a horrible cynic. I suspect people's motivations on just about everything. Sometimes I wrong, but I find myself right more often than not. I think in this case, it's a sure thing.

Dennis Kucinich just dropped out of the 2008 presidential race. It won't be long now before his wife, Elizabeth, drops out of the marriage.

I don't care what anybody says. She did not marry Kucinich for any reason other than the possibility that one day she might be this country's First Lady. Look at her! She's tall, beautiful, intelligent, well-educated...she's done more things and been more places that most people do in their entire lives. Long red hair, pierced tongue, fantastic legs, freckles. Plus she's 30 years younger than he is! 30 years! Is this woman going to now be content to go back to Cleveland (yes, Cleveland!) and spend the next 20 or so years watching Dennis grow old? No. She took her shot and it didn't work. Soon she'll realize it's time to move on and find her next pathway to power and fame.

She won't do it right away, because it would just be too obvious. The press would have a field day. TMZ would be there yelling out inane questions and Bill O'Reilly would start calling her while he pleasures himself in the shower. But after things cool off. After the elections are over and the focus has left Mr. and Mrs. Kucinich, you can be certain Elizabeth will be calculating her next moves. And they don't involve staying in Cleveland.

This is a sure thing. Bet on it if you wish. You heard it here first.

Today's News

2008-01-23T13:11:00.001-05:00

I made the mistake of trying to find out what's going on in the world today. This is what I discovered:

Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger war in Iraq Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger presidential elections Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Paris Hilton defends Britney Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Nancy Grace Investigates: Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger Heath Ledger

We are such a sorry, sick society.

Voice for the Uninsured

2008-01-16T23:30:00.000-05:00

The AMA (American Medical Association) has a wonderful new program called "Voice for the Uninsured." It focuses on the fact that 1 out of 7 people in the United States does not have medical insurance. This comes to 47 million people, 20% of which are children.

Complete information about this program can be found here.

They are promoting the program with a television campaign. It features a number of medical personnel who slowly come together in front of the camera. The announcer shares some statistics and talks about how so many health care professionals already provide their services free of charge to those without insurance coverage.

Then, for some totally inexplicable reason, all of these people in white coats and scrubs hold up the listening-end of a stethoscope to their mouths and pretend to talk into them. What the hell? Not only does this look stupid, but I'm not even sure a stethoscope can be used to "talk" to someone. Besides, the ear pieces are obviously just hanging down in front of each person, so they aren't plugged in to anyone's ears anyway.

I can only wonder what moron came up with this idea, but more importantly, why anyone went along with it. It takes a very serious, powerful commercial and turns it into a farce. It's something you'd expect to see a lame comedian do in a "doctor's office sketch." It's totally out of place, wrong and makes a mockery of this important issue.

Why are marketers such idiots?

Applebee's Has Lost It

2008-01-16T23:01:00.000-05:00

Just when you thought television advertising couldn't get any worse...

The current Applebee's television campaign is absurd. The bouncing apple that speaks like Wanda Sykes is ridiculous, but they keep running it. Well, the latest variation is completely over the top and proves to me that the marketers at Applebee's are total morons.

The latest incantation has a video crew showing up at the apple's house. Sort of an MTV "Crib" kind of thing I suppose. For some reason the apple lives in a very nice house that is much more suitable for a human. It points out a very modern hanging chair that it picked out a then bounces on the bed with red apple cushions. Again, I don't know why an apple needs such a large sleeping spot. The crew then asks about the kitchen and the apple responds that it doesn't need one because it eats all of its meals, of course, at Applebee's.

I know I'm being awfully literal here, but how does an apple eat?

This whole campaign is just too moronic for words. I wonder if the advertising executives at Applebee's sit around congratulating themselves on their collective genius. They should hang their heads in shame, but I'm sure they are much to stupid to realize how stupid they are.

I'm embarrassed for them.

Golden Globes - A HUGE Embarrassement

2008-01-14T00:23:00.000-05:00

I'm watching the Golden Globes Awards "show" on CNN. OK, I know the writers are on strike and this format of simply having entertainment show hosts read the list of nominees and then announce the winner is a concession to the Guild. But it seems brains have gone on strike too. This has got to be the most amateurly produced television show that has ever appeared!

First of all, the show hosts keep trying to be clever and witty - without the help of a professional writer - and it's obvious that they are really nothing more than teleprompter readers. A few of them simply did what they were up there to do - Brooke Anderson for example. Classy and pretty. Mary Hart was embarrassing beyond belief. Giulianna Rancic tried to make a solidarity comment about the strike that just came off as moronic. But at least these people could pronounce the names correctly, so all in all this wasn't a bad move.

Next, following each list of nominees the host would say, "And the winner is..." and it sounded like someone was drumming on a table nearby to create that moment of anticipation and tension before the winner's name is read. The musicians aren't on strike. Sound technicians aren't on strike. Nor are the technical directors. So why they would add something so rankly amateur is beyond me. Maybe their goal was to make the presentation as bad as possible so we'd more likely believe the need for writers. No, that can't be it. Someone just had a bad idea and it was poorly executed.

Another ongoing embarrassment is the way they try to show a clip of the winner, but the host starts reading the next award before the clip is done. Again, the technical people aren't on strike. Maybe they refused to cross the picket line and the Hollywood Foreign Press had members of the local middle school's AV Club produce the program.

But the singularly most horrendous part of the show is Larry King. For some reason he had an open microphone and would chime in whenever he felt it appropriate with some enlightening comment such as, "This was a great film." Or, "I'm surprised this won." "A rough category." "You should go see this if you haven't already." And each of these comments is made while the audio from the clip is playing and the host is starting to read the next list of nominees, so you've got three pieces of competing audio going on simultaneously. Painful.

The show was a travesty and everyone involved with it should find a different profession. The Foreign Press are yet another victim of the WGA, but anyone with the least knowledge of television production could have done a better job than what they slapped together tonight.

NBC News Scraping Bottom of the Barrel

2008-01-07T16:49:00.001-05:00

I typically don't watch The Today Show on NBC. I really don't know why I happened to catch a few minutes of it today. But in a way, I'm glad I did. It reminded me why I avoid this and the other "mainstream" media at all costs!

Matt Lauer, who actually sometimes serves as a real journalist instead of merely playing one on TV, interviewed a man by the name of Paul Karason. Mr. Karason's skin has turned blue! Now, if this was some freak of nature as a result of an ultra-rare condition, then I can see the human-interest appeal of the story. But this guy's skin is blue because he has been systematically poisoning himself with silver for the past 10 years. He decided to self-medicate himself for a completely unrelated skin disorder, and decided to continue because it seemed to help with his sinuses and arthritis.

The thing is, he's a moron. And for The Today Show to put him on the air shows just how far from journalistic integrity they have drifted - if they ever were even there. There are wars all over the planet. There is a major political election in less than a year. The economy is in shambles. The weather is out of control. And they put on an ignorant, back-woods jerk who drinks silver because it makes him feel good.

If you'd like to watch this pathetic interview, in which Lauer had to answer most of his own questions because Mr. Karason is so inarticulate that he can't do it himself, go right ahead and click here.

(I'm not even going to comment on Karason's sorry excuse for a "girlfriend." I can only assume she is even dumber than "Papa Smurf.")

And oh yeah, NBC gave this story enough credence that they included their chief medical editor, Dr. Nancy Snyderman in the studio. Basically she was there to say that no medical practitioner in his or her right mind would prescribe this treatment, that Karason is killing himself and under no circumstances should you try this on yourself.

Nice reporting, NBC. Real top-notch journalism!

Deal or No Deal - Greed Wins Again!

2008-01-03T21:00:00.000-05:00

I've written about the TV show Deal or No Deal before. How it has become very predictable and how people's greed always gets the better of them.

Well, tonight was classic. A woman just set a new record by winning a penny. Yep, one cent! At one point the offer was $207,000! But she said, "no deal" because she's is greedy, but more importantly, because the idiots who she brought with her are even stupider and greedier than she is. Her poor husband sat in the crowd and keep telling her to take the deals, but her stupid hick father, some dork "business partner" and her personal trainer (?) kept telling her to keep going.

The thing that is really hard to understand is that in this game they had THREE million dollar cases in play. The odds of getting a penny out of all of this is almost impossible to calculate. But when you're a dumb-ass pig farmer, like she is, I guess it's easy to totally screw it up. Why would she turn down $207,000? Aw, but it's OK. She got hugs at the end. She "set a record." She got to be on national TV and show the entire country how dumb breathing pig shit makes you.

She got what she deserved.

Never Fly United Again

2007-12-31T01:43:00.000-05:00

I will never fly United Airlines again!

There are only so many times you can give a company "another chance." United Airlines has finally pushed me too far and I simply will no longer patronize them. In this case, it's strike three.

Strike one was about a year ago. I bought a round-trip ticket from Washington Dulles to Milwaukee and back. Like most United flights, there was a connection at Chicago O'Hare.

As the plane was being pushed away from the gate at the start of the trip, something snapped. It turns out it had to do with the way they attached the tractor to the front wheel. It had to be fixed. So the plane sat on the ground for the better part of two hours while they repaired it. Of course there was no way I was going to make the connection. I had no idea the ramifications this was going to cause.

The plane arrived in Chicago over two hours late. I went to the gate where my connection had left a hour earlier to try and find out what my options were. The airport was as packed as I have ever seen it and the line at the gate was at least 20 people deep. When I got to the front, I was told I could be put on standby for the next flight, which didn't leave for another 45 minutes. There were about 10 people on standby in front of me, so I knew there wasn't much chance of getting on the flight, but it was the last one of the day. I decided to wait. About 30 minutes later, they simply canceled the flight. No explanation, but I overheard a flight crew near the gate talking about having no clue what route they were there to fly. Amazing. I suspect the flight was canceled because they didn't have anyone to fly the plane!

So I rented a car and drove to Milwaukee. This was going to be expensive because I planned to leave the car in Milwaukee instead of driving it back to Chicago. But thanks to United, I didn't have much choice. Fortunately Avis had a car available, but I did stand in line there another 45 minutes.

But that wasn't the end of it. When it was time to return to Washington Dulles, I arrived at the airport around eight in the morning. At the ticket counter I was told I no longer had a reservation or ticket! What? It seems the United computer decided that since my flight from Chicago to Milwaukee had been canceled, I never got there. Therefore I wouldn't need the return flight! Instead the computer canceled me and had been rescheduling me from Chicago to Milwaukee ever couple of hours for the past few days! It expected me to sit at O'Hare for a day or two rather than complete the final 90 miles of my trip by some other means. This is absolute lunacy!

The earliest I could get on a return flight was at 5:00 a.m. the following morning, and they had to book me on a different airline. This time I got to connect through St. Louis, and was almost bumped off the St. Louis-to-Dulles portion!

Strike two was on a recent trip from Chicago to Dulles. I didn't ever bother with the Milwaukee connection this time. My flight was the last one of the day for this route, and after telling everyone the flight was delayed, two hours later they abruptly canceled it. Again, no explanation. The only suggestion was to go get in line at the United customer service desk to try and get another flight. So again, I stood in line for an hour, only to find out that the computer had rescheduled me for a flight the following afternoon through Philadelphia with a three-hour layover. Who the hell programs these things?

I ended up staying the night in Chicago - with no luggage, toothbrush or change of clothes. United's recommendation was to come back to the airport in the morning and move from gate to gate to try and get onto one of the day's O'Hare to Dulles flights. The best they could guarantee me was a late-afternoon flight. I was told if I take the "sure thing" I couldn't expect to get on an earlier flight because I would have to give up my ticked to switch to standby status. Again, who makes up these rules?

At one point I asked an agent why the previous night's flight was canceled. She looked it up and told me it was a mechanical problem. She then immediately offered me a $100 voucher for a future flight. What kills me is that if I hadn't asked this question, there would not have been any offer of compensation whatsoever, except for the hotel room. What a crappy system! My luggage had gone to Washington on an earlier flight, but fortunately it was there when I finally arrived the following afternoon.

Strike three was this past weekend. My son and daughter came from Milwaukee to spend Christmas with me. First of all, their flight out of Milwaukee to Chicago was delayed to the point where they would miss their connection. So the agent suggested they take the shuttle bus between the two airports. They got on after an hour wait in the rain. It cost $50. The agent did say we could get a refund, but that remains to be seen. The flight out of Chicago was delayed as well, and it's even possible they could have made it if they took the delayed Milwaukee flight. But how would we have known? It wasn't worth the risk.

Fearing that their return flight would be canceled because that brilliant United computer might have thought they never got to Washington since they never got on the flight in Milwaukee, I called to confirm the return. I made the agent on the phone tell me THREE TIMES that they were confirmed. It turns out the computer had been booking them on the first part of their trip, even though it "knew" they had taken the second part. United's programmers are every bit as inept as it seems the rest of the company is.

Of course when we got to the airport yesterday for their return, there was a problem with the ticket. It wasn't in the system and I had to pick up the customer assistance phone at the counter. I made the agent stay on the line after he said he corrected the problem. I was able to check them in, but their original seat assignments had been erased. OK, minor problem, but in light of everything else, very annoying.

The flight out of Dulles was on time and boarded according to schedule. Then they couldn't get an engine started and it sat at the gate for 90 minutes while they repaired it. Well guess what! There was now no way to make the connecting flight in Chicago - again! Fortunately my daughter has a friend who was willing to drive to Chicago and pick them up. This sounded like a better plan than trying - no, hoping - to get a later flight out of Chicago. I didn't want them stranded in the airport all night. Been there...done that.

So they got a ride. But their luggage was checked through to Milwaukee. They checked with an agent in Chicago and found out when the bags would arrive, and as it turns out, if they drove directly to the Milwaukee airport, they should be able to pick them up. This would have been around 7:30 p.m. The United baggage office in Milwaukee is supposed to stay open until 11:00. However, apparently someone either didn't show up or decided to go home early, because it was locked and dark when they arrived. What an ongoing nightmare!

My daughter called the next morning and United refused to deliver the bags for free since it had been "their choice" not to take a flight from Chicago to Milwaukee. Bull crap! So she and my son went back to the airport and finally - some 28 hours after their departure from Dulles - got their luggage.

I have to call United tomorrow to try and get the refund the agent offered and see if there isn't some way to get back part of the missed second connection. I don't expect much chance of success. They may offer me another voucher, but even that is screwed up. You see, in order to use one of their vouchers, you have to present it in person at a United ticket counter. That means I need to drive two hours to buy a ticket in order to save $100. You know what, I suspect they know that and count of the fact that no one will actually use the stupid vouchers they offer as compensation for turning a three-hour trip into seven.

United is a total mess and I don't know how they remain in business. No one has any authority to fix the problems, it seems, and certainly no one is motivated to try and improve anything. Well, I've finally had enough. I will do everything I can from this point on to avoid flying with them. I've had enough bad experience to now know there will be a problem. The idea of saving some money no longer holds any appeal to me. I'm done with United and if I read in the news that they are going under, I will simply say "good riddance".

Never again.

Marketers Are Idiots - Afrin Edition

2007-12-31T00:09:00.001-05:00

Just how incredibly stupid do the marketers of Afrin nasal spray think we are? Have you seen their latest commercial? It consists of a rather plump gentleman sitting on a stool who gives us a very graphic demonstration of what life is like without Afrin. He squeezes his nostrils closed with his fingers. I'm not kidding. This is "before" Afrin. Then he lets go. This is "after" Afrin.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I ended up just shaking my head and wondering what the ad agency's presentation of this brilliant concept in advertising must have been. I imagine several creatives from the agency, plus the account supervisor sitting in the boardroom at Schering-Plough in front of the Afrin marketing team. "OK, we have a guy and he does this..." They all squeeze their noses shut. "He tells us this is what it's like when you're plugged up. Oh, and he talks all muffled and nasaly..." Then he holds up a bottle of Afrin and unplugs his nose. "Now he sounds normal!" It's a miracle!

"Yep, I like it, sounds good, wonderful creative, brilliant, here, take a bunch of money!"

I wonder if they ever stopped to think that the idea is just plain stupid and laughable. Do they really think the American public is so stupid that we won't see this lame "demonstration" for exactly what it is? What's really sad is how this concept could be taken to just about any extreme. Actually, it is...all too frequently. Idiot marketers think it's enough to show someone looking sad, and say "before." Then show the same person looking happy and say "after." This has been the sorry excuse for advertising that marketers have been using for years. They think it works, but it doesn't. At least I hope it doesn't. Because you have to be a very stupid, gullible consumer to react to this kind of mind-control.

On second thought...brilliant!

Afrin liked the idea so much that they made a second, almost identical commercial. Same guy, same concept, but now he's dressed in PJs and robe and is hawking the nighttime version of the nasal spray. I don't think the copy changed one bit other than the name of the product.

By the way, did you know Afrin has a website. Why, I can't even begin to imagine. But they do. Could it possibly get ANY hits?

Afrin's a good product...but their marketers are idiots.

Kay Jewelry's Illiterate Commercial

2007-12-19T21:44:00.000-05:00

I'm really sick of the Kay Jewelry television commercial that seems to be running incessantly right now. It features a little girl watching her mother and father break a wishbone.

First of all, whoever directed this spot is a total moron. He or she has no idea how to place a camera and manages to cross the stage line with just about every cut. It's horrible. You can't follow what's going on, who is looking at whom and most importantly, who actually wins the wishbone-pulling contest. It's kind of important to the premise of the spot.

But even worse is the dialog, written I presume by Kay's crack advertising agency. As the couple is pulling the wishbone they explain the process to their daughter. They say, pretty much in unison:

Whoever gets the bigger half --- gets --- their --- wish.

I know I'm being pedantic, but this drives me nuts!

First of all, there is no such thing as a "bigger half." By definition, half is half - equivalent to the other half. Same size. All they had to say is "piece" and I'd not be writing this rant.

But they make it worse with the rest of the sentence. "Whoever....gets their..." Come on! You can't use a singular subject and plural pronoun - even if most people incorrectly talk this way. One of the people pulling the wishbone does NOT get "their" wish, because neither one of them is more than one person. Stupid!

I'm sick of this spot and can't wait for the holiday season to end so I don't have to scream at the TV any more. (And yes, I know, I really need a life.)

Marketers' Lawyers Are Idiots Too

2007-12-10T21:25:00.000-05:00

DO NOT ATTEMPT!

How come you never see "Do not attempt" superimposed on the screen during a television show or motion picture when one of the characters does something dangerous? Why do the corporate lawyers think people watching television commercials are going to go out and drive their cars over a cliff because someone did it in a TV spot - but they don't need to protect themselves against this kind of behavior in a show? Why the double standard? When Bruce Willis launched the police car into the helicopter in Live Free or Die Hard, why wasn't there a super warning us against trying this the next time we are being chased by a French mercenary sniper?

More to the point, would a judge really rule favorably for a plaintiff who went out and did something totally stupid just because he saw it in a TV commercial? I know there are plenty of Darwin Awards candidates out there, but don't we pretty much agree they are responsible for their own behaviors? I guess there have been enough court cases that have gone the wrong way to make marketers' companies nervous, but common sense needs to prevail. Some of the ridiculous cautions on most consumer products today probably says I'm wrong.

Of course some of the stunts you see in television commercials are pretty much impossible to do in real life. Can you really walk into a room with a bag of fast food and have it burst into flame like it does in the Taco Bell commercial? ("Professional. Do not attempt.") If you had access to heavy machinery, could you really run over your old washing machine with a steam roller as in the LG spot?

Like so much in our society today, the lawyers rule. Still, I would love to see a whole bunch of people take it upon themselves to try every outlandish stunt they see on TV and if someone gets hurt, try and sue the pants off of the sponsor. Let's see what the lawyers come up with then! We'd probably get a lot of boring commercials (not that there aren't a lot of those already) with pages and pages of text like you see in magazine ads for drugs now.

Common sense...where have you gone?

Next - Trainwreck of a Movie

2007-12-10T15:33:00.000-05:00

There was nothing available at Blockbuster this weekend, so I scrounged around the films that have been on the shelves for a while and rented Next with Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore and Jessica Biel. I know the movie got poor reviews and didn't do extremely well at the box office, but with a cast like that there's has GOT to be something worthwhile in it, right?

WRONG!

What a horrible, stupid movie! I found myself laughing at how convoluted and inept it became almost from the start. I'm going to spoil the plot here because if you're planning on renting it and haven't yet, don't! You WILL be sorry.

The premise is that there's this guy who somehow magically - we're never told how and he claims to have been born that way - can see his own future. But only two-minutes worth. So it allows him to do a magic act and test out pickup lines on women pretty well, but that's about it. Except that he lives in Las Vegas and uses it to earn just enough money to get by and not make the casinos too suspicious. Even though they are.

Anyway, somehow the FBI figures out this guy might has some power they can use to track down a missing nuclear weapon. HUH? The filmmakers cast Julianne Moore - complete with long red hair and freckles - to play the tough-as-nails, sharpshooting FBI agent responsible for convincing the guy to help. It's pathetic to see her trying to be hard and tough, all the while looking soft and cute. Pathetic. The silliest scene involve Ms. Moore running around looking oh-so-cute in her FBI hat with her ponytail pulled through the back and her FBI vest. She's a good 6 inches shorter than everyone else, but her gun is by far the biggest! Absurd.

(At one point Moore threatens to send Cage to Folsom Prison if he doesn't cooperate with their investigation. Uh, they're in Las Vegas...in Nevada. Nevada State Prison or "Carson City" perhaps - but how does Folsom figure into this? Maybe the screenwriter is just stupid. Actually, that would explain a lot!)

Somehow Jessica Biel figures into the plot. Cage sees her in one of his future premonitions that falls beyond the two-minute rule (yeah, they even corrupt their own corrupted reality to tell the story) and she gives him a ride to Flagstaff but has to stop at the Indian reservation where she teaches to drop off present for one of her students and...holly crap...why didn't the screenwriter see what a horrible plot mess this was all becoming? Add in the fact that the terrorists suddenly become more obsessed with kidnapping Biel than setting off their bomb, and it just completely goes to hell. When Cage ultimately splits into about a dozen duplicates of himself, you can't do anything buy groan and regret the time and money you just blew on this trash.

Advice to filmmakers everywhere - don't make movies that your audience can't understand!

If you really want a hoot, go ahead and rent the movie and then watch the special features. They were as clueless as to what to do to create filler material as they were in making the movie. The interviews with the filmmakers are laughable because it's obvious that even they don't know what the movie is really about. The special effects guys are pretty sharp, but you can't hold them responsible for the ridiculous plotline and story gaps.

By far the worst add-on is the final interview with Biel. Total eye candy. It's there so we can enjoy her looks and cleavage. She babbles aimlessly about looking into the future and if she would or if she wouldn't and if she could what she would do and maybe this and maybe that, but no, life is such a joy to live one day at a time, I wouldn't want to not make the mistakes I have made...oh, please! It would have been better to just let her strip down to her undies and let us ogle. At least that would have been honest. Just take a look at her image in the movie poster. Notice anything? Yep...that's why she's in the movie. The director must have had a hard one every day she was on the set. Nothing else can explain her presence in the film. Actually, nothing can explain the presence of this film - period!

Excellent Marketing by Verizon

2007-12-04T20:53:00.000-05:00

As much horrible, clueless advertising as there is out there today, it is so refreshing to see a brilliant television commercial. I'm referring to the wonderful new spot from Verizon in which one girl gets a pony as a gift while her two friends get new Verizon phones. You've seen it. They seem to be running it constantly.

Bonnie Dennison, the girl who gets the pony, is marvelous. She hardly has any dialog but her looks, her expressions and her timing are fantastic. Kudos to the director for bringing out this performance! Even the look on the Verizon "Can you hear me now?" guy is priceless as he watches the horse eat the roof off the doghouse. It's just plain funny and I don't get tired of watching it. More than that, it's effective because I remember perfectly what it is for and what they are selling. That's rare today with all the clutter on TV.

The only flaw in the entire commercial is an rather inexcusable continuity error. If you notice Bonnie's hands at the start of the spot she has her arms folded and two fingers on her left hand are bandaged. At one point she switched the orientation of her folder arms and the left hand is no longer visible. Then on the next cut, it is back to its original position. I don't understand how this could happen because of how important the two bandaged fingers are to the payoff line at the end of the spot. Somebody on the production crew really dropped the ball here. Lazy and unprofessional filmmaking.

But the overall effect - brilliant! Five stars!

Bad Taste from Beyonce

2007-12-03T16:36:00.000-05:00

I will be the first to admit, like millions of you, that Beyonce Knowles is one of the most talented and beautiful women in show business today. She's also got to have more money than she knows what to do with, which makes me wonder why she is doing so many commercials lately. I think the worst - and most embarrassing - is probably her most lucrative; as spokeswoman for DirecTV.

The ad features Beyonce singing and dancing, which is obviously what she does best. She's wearing a skimpy gold dress, which is obviously what makes her look best. But the hard-sell of the "upgrade" message is just too over the top. She's no longer a hot, appealing spokesperson, but just another hard-sell saleswoman shoving something down our throats.

But most bothersome - how much did they have to pay her to put an "upgrade" piece of rapper bling in her mouth? Maybe it was included in the price. Regardless, it's sad.

I Wish I Could Think This Fast

2007-11-20T14:25:00.000-05:00

I read a great, short piece on PlaneBuzz today. It has the interesting title: "We Knew This Was Going to Happen." It was about a passenger on an airplane with a iPhone who mimicked the Apple television commercial in which a flight attendant somehow used his iPhone to get the plane out of the gate and into the air despite a weather delay.

It seems life imitated "art" recently when an actual passenger questioned the delay of a flight due to weather. He challenged the crew's explanation as to why they weren't airborne, and the pilot got onto the public address system with this reply:

"If the passenger with the iPhone would be kind enough to use it to check the weather at our alternate, calculate our fuel burn due to being rerouted around the storms, call the dispatcher to arrange our release, and then make a phone call to the nearest Air Traffic Control center to arrange our timely departure amongst the other aircraft carrying passengers with iPhones, then we will be more than happy to depart. Please ring your call button to advise the Flight Attendant and your fellow passengers when you deem it ready and responsible for this multi-million dollar aircraft and its passengers to safely leave."

Priceless! I wish I could think of things like that to say. Perfect!

Atlanta Christians Prove There Is No God

2007-11-13T21:44:00.000-05:00

Atlanta is have some serious drought problems. They're not alone, but they seem to be getting a lot of the press about it. I came across this article on the MSN website, which at first made me laugh, and then caused me to ponder just what the heck is going on in this country.

It seems Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue organized a group prayer on the steps of the state capitol building to ask God for some rain. There were some protests about state-sanctioned prayer, but what struck me more was the ludicrousness of this whole thing. How is this any different than say, hiring an American Indian to perform a rain dance? Or a witch to cast a spell on the clouds to make them give up their precious water? Most of the people who gathered to pray together would surely scoff at either of these other two methods, but they don't see their actions as being so steeped in superstition and ignorance.

But the most interesting aspect of this whole ridiculous waste of time and taxpayer money is that IT DIDN'T WORK. No rain...not a drop. Atlanta is still as bone dry as it was before everyone joined hands, bowed then heads and attempted telepathic communication.

So I guess Atlanta managed to prove there is no God. Nice job, zealots. Probably not what you intended, but at least some good came out of your mass ignorance.

Marketers Are Idiots - Applebee's Edition

2007-11-07T23:28:00.000-05:00

Sometimes marketing concepts and campaigns are so lame, I truly wish I could have sat in on the creative presentation by the agency. The current Applebee's television campaign is one I would have loved to have experienced.

Agency: OK, here's the concept for our new television campaign. We have a hip, urban black guy sitting on a park bench texting someone on his phone.

Applebee's Idiot: Great. Urban blacks avoid us like the plague. This will certainly make them want to eat at an Applebee's and travel 20 miles to get there!

Agency: And on the back of the bench there's an apple.

Applebee's Idiot: Oh wow...a red apple, right? That will make people think of us because the word "apple" in part of our name. Brilliant!

Agency: And the apple kind of bounces up and down while we hear it speaking to the guy.

Applebee's Idiot: Bouncing...good. That's what an apple would do if it was talking. What does it sound like?

Agency: Well, like Wanda Sykes.

Applebee's Idiot: Oh, I love her...and she's black too, right? She is black, isn't she?

Agency: Yes, and she tells the guy he shouldn't be sitting on a bench all alone but should be at a restaurant with friends.

Applebee's Idiot: And so we then see him at an Applebee's, right? With some other urban black people? But can we have some white people too? And a woman? Could she maybe be Hispanic?

Agency: Yes, and the apple is now on the back of the booth and continues talking to him.

Applebee's Idiot: And it still sounds like Wanda Sykes? And it still just kind of bounces up and down? That's what apples do when they talk!

Agency: You got it!

Applebee's Idiot: Sounds good to me! How much money do you need? This will be great!

Of course I hope the Agency Guy did his best to actually create and present something that isn't so incredibly lame and that the bouncing, talking, Wanda Sykes apple was all the client's idea...but I know better. The agency's brilliant, new 20-something recent college graduate intern was given the job of coming up with something breakthrough, but when he found out he couldn't feature a clown, the bouncing apple came into his head.

There is so much wrong with this campaign that it's actually hard to comment on it. If you want Wanda Sykes as your spokesperson - not a bad idea - don't just put her voice into a bouncing apple. And about that bouncing apple...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Did you feed it peanut butter so it looked like it was talking?

For all the good this campaign is going to do Applebee's they should give the money to charity and at least get some good PR instead of the ridicule this pathetic, desperate attempt at television advertising is going to gain them. What a total waste! The people in marketing at Applebee's are idiots. This is proof positive!

Fires Not Set By Terrorists

2007-10-31T17:29:00.001-04:00

Poor Fox News...poor right-wing blowhards...poor Bush administration. So the Southern California fires weren't a terrorist plot after all. Just some sad little boy playing with matches. That's got to be hard to take. I mean the speculation was so intense. How many more of our civil rights could have been taken away - if only it had been another attack on America!

This article on MSN.com says it all.

But wait...maybe that's just what the terrorists want us to think! Maybe they put those matches into that little boy's hands! No, this is a cover-up by the left-wing media. They planted this story just so we'd divert out attention! Osama bin Laden himself struck the match and put it into the boy's hand with instructions to throw himself into the fire once it started! Had to be, right?

OK, get ready for round 2, America. This ain't over yet!

Taco Bell's Marketers Are Geniuses

2007-10-25T23:18:00.000-04:00

Marketers today are typically desperate idiots. But the people at Taco Bell have done a fantastic job over the years of tying in to the World Series. They have done it again this year with their "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion.

There has been at least one stolen base in every World Series since 1990, so it's a pretty safe bet that there was going to be one in 2007. But more importantly is the buzz that this created both on the field and in the broadcast booth. The Fox commentators kept mentioning the promotion and giving the audience updates on whether a base has been stolen yet or not. The network recorded conversations between players in the bullpen in which they discuss the possibility of everybody in America getting a free taco if only someone steals a base. The CEO of Taco Bell was interviewed as he watched Game 2 from the stands in Boston. It's estimated that the value of this additional publicity was something like $4 million. Hey, that pays for a LOT of tacos.

The idiot, fearful, ineffective marketers out there are saying, "How can they afford this?" "This is nuts...what if everyone in America takes advantage of their offer." Panic! Panic! Panic!

But this is where the genius of Taco Bell's marketers comes into play. First of all, they are restricting the hours during which a free taco is available. It's not their peak lunch or dinner hours. Next, a single taco is not a full meal for most people. Sure some people will stop in for just the free taco, but the majority will buy something else and probably a drink too. Nice profit margin on those beverages, you know.

But the real value is in getting people who might otherwise never stop into a Taco Bell or try their food to maybe, just maybe, become a regular customer. After all, as most good marketers know (not the idiots who would never try anything as bold as this) traffic is the key to almost any business's success. Get 'em in the door. Get 'em to try your product. That's 90% of the battle, and Taco Bell is going to benefit tremendously from this entire endeavor.

Marketers Are Idiots - Dental Floss Edition

2007-10-24T21:26:00.000-04:00

I harp a lot at marketers because, well, they are complete idiots. It comes from their abject desperation at having no clue how to effectively communicate information about their products to a public that is overly saturated with ads - and quite frankly, doesn't care. Out of fear, they try to create emotional attachments where there are none, and elevate the importance of their product to that of air and water in the lives of their customers.

I stumbled upon a new level of stupidity recently - in a survey I took sponsored by some marketer of dental floss. Yes, a survey about dental floss!

It started off innocently enough with questions about how often I floss my teeth and what brands of dental floss I use. It got worse - and really stupid - pretty quickly. All of a sudden I'm faced with a grid that has something like 10 different brands of dental floss listed across the top. Down the left side are about 20 questions and I'm supposed to fill in the dot for the brands that best match the statements.

The questions assumed a deep personal involvement with my dental floss brand that I dare say doesn't exist in any sane consumer's mind.

"This brand knows my lifestyle and helps support it."

"I feel confident using this brand."

"This brand gives me a sense of satisfaction."

This brand bolsters my self-esteem."

I'm not making these up. Remember, these are questions about DENTAL FLOSS!

How desperate! How sad! Here are these moron marketers trying to justify the money they spend - or what to spend - to sell America on the idea that one brand of dental floss is better than another - because it "supports your lifestyle".

I can just see it now. Some guy who is scared to death about keeping his job, sharing the "data" with his boss, the VP, showing that their brand is preferred over the next leading brand by 4.6% because of the scientifically calculated satisfaction quotient he developed. He spent 20 hours creating the presentation and all the colorful charts and graphs. His conclusion, if we pump $23.8 million more into the marketing of our brand, we could potentially crack the 5% satisfaction barrier! Then both he and the VP get huge boners.

I put some rather inappropriate comments into my survey at this point, because quite frankly, I had no idea how to answer a question about the emotional satisfaction I receive from using one brand of dental floss over another. Marketers are sad, sorry, stupid people who go to tremendous lengths to justify their existence. And they have no idea how to conduct a proper, meaningful survey.

A more representative survey would have been a lot shorter:

Can you name a single brand of dental floss? Yes/No

No? Thank you for your time.

Deal or No Deal Has Become Predictable

2007-10-17T23:06:00.000-04:00

I enjoy NBC's Deal or No Deal. I know it's totally low-brow, but there's something about it that grabs and holds my attention. And yes, the models are pretty spectacular. Howie Mandel makes it interesting, although he's a much better comic than gameshow host.

However, the show has become very predictable. It's almost a formula. That's probably by design, because they've found their niche and don't want to alienate or disappoint the audience.

First of all, the contestants have pretty much merged into a single "type." They all have a hard-luck story and really need the money. But they aren't very smart. More than any other common denominator, they are overcome by greed when they make it onto the program.

Here's how a typical show goes:

The overly energetic contestant has an abundance of false confidence. He or she is "certain" the selected case contains the million dollars. Absolutely. No doubt. Of course in the first round the actual million dollar case is revealed, but this doesn't seem to shake the contestant's previous belief that he or she possesses some sort of psychic skills.

At some point in the game the banker will offer six figures. Probably on the order of $130,000 to $180,000. But the contestant sees $250,000 - $300,000 - even $500,000 still on the board and assumes one of these is attainable. Or course the idiotic family and friends all yell "NO DEAL - NO DEAL" - "ONE MORE - ONE MORE". Without fail, the next "one more" case is the highest amount on the board and the next offer drops dramatically. Everyone yells, "It's OK. It's OK." But it's not. At this point the contestant is totally screwed and must continue to open cases as the offers drop significantly.

The clueless contestant finally accepts a deal for a few hundred dollars when it becomes obvious that the coveted case probably contains $25.

What I find particularly amusing is when Howie explains the odds to the contestant near the end of the game, trying desperately to convince him or her push the frickin' button and not get burned. "You have a one in three chance that one of two cases have at least $75,000 or more." You can see the contestant's eyes glaze over. All he or she can see is that one remaining $250,000 case shown on the board. At this point, they are playing the lottery. They are spending their grocery money to buy a Megabucks ticket. And at this point the producers of the show are counting on giving away $100 instead of a million, because greed never wins. Not a bad payout for a popular prime time Network show.

And I think this has become the primary appeal of Deal or No Deal. At first we wanted to see someone beat the banker and walk out with a ton of money. Now we want to see a train wreck. We want to see someone self-destruct. We want to see someone turn down hundreds of thousands of dollars and end up with pocket change.

More often than not, we get what we want. Too bad.

Nancy Grace is Pathetic

2007-10-17T22:55:00.000-04:00

I just clicked on the TV. Unfortunately it was still tuned to CNN Headline News from this morning, and Nancy Grace appeared on the screen.

How does this woman manage to look into the mirror each day without barfing?

Tonight she is "investigating" a murder in Alabama. The bottom portion of the screen says:

URGENT NEWS - Honors Student Shot Dead in BMW

First of all, I don't see what is "urgent" about this. It didn't just happen and the police have no leads. But more importantly, what is the relevance that the dead person was an honors student - and what the hell difference does it make in what kind of car she was killed? I'm sure Ms. Grace is somehow trying to make this crime more personal by injecting details, but this is just lame. Then again, this is what Nancy Grace does, isn't it?

She keeps babbling her unsubstantiated conjecture about the crime and interviews a local police officer who basically says they don't know anything ten different ways. Nancy wonders aloud about all sorts of things that she couldn't possibly know, and shakes her head in disgust at this tragic loss.

If she doesn't make herself sick, she sure does it to me! Pathetic.

Feeling Sorry for Sen. Larry Craig

2007-10-16T20:43:00.001-04:00

I'm watching Senator Larry Craig and his wife, Suzanne, being interviewed on NBC by Matt Lauer. They are seated in the living room of their beautiful Idaho home. It's all warm and soft - lots of wood. Senator Craig is in a pullover sweater, no tie, and Mrs. Craig is dressed in red. Lots of family photos spread all around the room.

The thing that's bothering me about it all is how adamantly the Craigs are protesting the recent bathroom pickup incident, but how weak and desperate their lame explanations are. I'm constantly reminded of the line from Shakespeare about protesting too much. It's not working. I'm not buying it. I'm seeing way too much panic and worry about one's image and legacy - and perhaps one's way of life. The lines all sound rehearsed and planned.

This seems especially true of Mrs. Craig. She jumps into the conversation so loudly and frequently - even though she wasn't anywhere near Minneapolis when Senator Craig was arrested - that you can just see how afraid she is of her entire life crumbling down over this. It's wonderful being a Senator's wife. But where's the prestige in being the wife of a disgraced, gay-bashing right-wing conservative who turns out to enjoy anonymous gay sex? And what does that say about her as a woman? You can see it on her face and hear it in her voice. She is scared shitless!

I kind of feel sorry for Senator Craig. He's not as good a liar as his Republican cohorts in Washington. He got caught and is desperately trying not to go down in flames. It probably won't work. He's probably done. If he hadn't been such a prick over his career and been so condescending in his righteousness, then this wouldn't be such a big deal. But he certainly isn't the first two-faced politician to crash and burn, nor will he be the last.

I feel sorry for him, but I hope his days in the Senate are over.

Microsoft Deserves Our Scorn

2007-10-16T20:15:00.001-04:00

I bought my son a new laptop computer. He has an older HP that is pretty much falling apart. It's slow, the keys either stick or require a really long, strong press to respond, and the right button on the keypad only works about half the time.

I've had good luck with Dell laptops, so I decided that was the way I wanted to go. I considered a Mac because that's what they use in his school, but there's still a huge cost difference between a PowerBook and basic Windows laptop - especially since prices have seemed to really drop lately at Dell.

I have not switched to Vista at either work or home, so I'm only slightly familiar with it. However, there's no easy way to buy a new laptop without it being pre-installed. I guess you can make a special request at Dell, but it costs extra and they "officially" recommend you go with the newer operating system.

I fired up the new laptop in order to check it out and do a little bit of configuring before I turn it over to him. Of course I turned on Windows Update to see what happens.

CRAP! Here's a brand new laptop computer, turned on for the very first time, and it immediately needs 18 updates that comprise over 54MB of downloaded data! What is up with that? How long did Microsoft work on - and delay the release of - Vista? They wanted to make it perfect, right? They wanted it to be THE upgrade everyone has been waiting for. Secure. Bullet-proof. Right and tight. Then why the heck, right out of the box, do I need 18 critical updates? Could it be this product is total crap?

In what other industry would you buy something BRAND NEW and accept that it is so totally defective? If your new TV wouldn't get all the channels, would you keep it? If your new car needed 18 things fixed when you go to pick it up, would you be happy? Why is it necessary for there to be an entire branch of the computer software industry just to fix things that are wrong with the world's major operating system? Anti-virus programs, system optimizers, disk defraggers, firewalls, spyware removers, adware eliminators. I know there are lots and lots of really bad people out there who will do anything to break into someone's computer or simply spread their spam, but why does it seem so easy and why is it so hard for Microsoft to prevent it?

It's no wonder that Apple - and now Linux - are making such headway with the world's computer users. But Microsoft's near monopoly on operating systems will take a long time to unseat, if it can ever be done. There could easily be a worldwide computer meltdown before enough people wise up and dump this horribly incompetent product.

I've read that sales of Vista have been drastically less than what Microsoft anticipated or predicted. It's no wonder, since most of us have made a sort of working peace with XP. They came up with the idea of telling IT people that the reason they should switch is because it costs less to support Vista than XP - to the tune of about $1000 a computer per year? What? Don't they see the absurdity in this? XP sucks, but Vista sucks less, so switch, people, switch. Besides, we don't have enough money. Make Bill Gates the richest man in the world...oh, wait, too late.

Yes, Microsoft deserves our scorn. They sure as heck have mine!

Only in Theaters

2007-10-10T22:19:00.000-04:00

Why do movie studios think it's necessary to add "only in theaters" to the end of their previews and promos? They all do it and I really can't figure out why.

Are they afraid people will think it's a TV show and therefore NOT go to the theater to see it? Are they afraid instead people will sit at home surfing from channel to channel trying to find the movie?

Or are they afraid people will go to the store looking for the DVD instead of shelling out $10 to go see it at the theater? Yeah, the studios push DVDs pretty hard when a movie becomes available, but are people really so stupid as to not realize the difference?

I can't think of an alternative reason for adding this stupid phrase to the end of the preview. I know the public can sometimes be awfully dumb - but I think this presumes a lack of intelligence on the part of movie-goers that isn't justified.

Pity for Marion Jones

2007-10-08T20:10:00.000-04:00

I'm saddened by the latest news about Marion Jones. I don't think her use of performance-enhancing drugs should be condoned - after all, it's creating, it's illegal and every athlete knows what s/he can and cannot do to get an edge on the competition - but I can't help but feel the world has lost an impressive physical talent, and to many women, a very valuable role model. Damn, Marion, why?

She has such incredible talent and style...she is perfection in motion. Whenever I watched her I found myself amazed at just how beautiful the human body can be. 5' 11" - 155 pounds - not an ounce of fat - a six-pack any body builder would die for. She didn't need the drugs. She had the burning desire!

I also find it hard to imagine how much work and effort must go into being able to do what she does. Yes, she has a natural gift, but without the daily dedication and incredibly grueling workouts, she would just be attractive - not perfect. What's more, track and field is such a solitary sport. You compete with yourself, the clock, the tape measure...you don't have teammates to turn to for encouragement when the going gets tough. You have to be totally driven to attain perfection. And the drugs aside, I think Marion Jones got there.

What makes this whole incident even worse is how she somehow lost all of the money she earned from her various track meets and endorsement contracts. I still don't understand how someone with that much fame and fortune can lose it all, but I know she hasn't been the first and certainly won't be the last. The leeches came out and sucked her dry. But I guess ultimately the responsibility lies with Marion Jones.

I hope she recovers and I hope somehow she is able to continue being a part of the sport she obviously loves. Good luck, Marion!

Steinbrenner is a Dick

2007-10-08T19:49:00.000-04:00

No duh! Everyone knows George Steinbrenner is a pompous ass. But he doesn't care. He's rich, famous and the majority owner of the best baseball team of the past century. I'm sure he somehow justifies being such a jerk with some higher purpose, but the fact is he is a horrible person and has not been good for the sport of baseball. I'm sure there's no way in the world you could ever convince him of that. Steinbrenner is hubris personified.

As I write this I'm watching Game 4 of the 2007 ALDS. The Indians have already gone up 2-0 in the top of the first inning. The Yankees have to win to keep the series going. If they loose, it's the Indians and Red Sox in the American League Championship Series.

Steinbrenner has announced in the press that he is going to fire Joe Torre if the Yankees don't win the series. What a horrible, classless thing to do. It's probably a publicity stunt and Steinbrenner is just trying to generate press for the club, but if not, it is as petty and childish a thing a person can do. Someone should kick him in the nuts.

If the Yankees lose...and if Steinbrenner fires Torre, I hope the city of New York reacts with such anger and indignation as to hit this jerk where it hurts most - in the pocketbook. I hope every season-ticket-holder turns in his seats and demands a refund. I hope the crowd boycotts the start of the 2008 season. I hope the press fries him and supports Torre, who has been every bit as good for the game of baseball as Steinbrenner has been bad.

Torre is a classy, talented, honest professional who deserves better than Steinbrenner's cheap-shots and low-class style. It's probably only because of Torre's personality that he's been able to survive working for George Steinbrenner as long as he has. He would be better off somewhere else and whichever team rushes to hire him will enjoy tremendous success. But this isn't the way to do it.

No Torre, no Yankees. Please, New York, show that you've got class even if "The Boss" doesn't. Let an empty Yankee Stadium tell Steinbrenner just what you think of his pathetic style.

HP Software Really Sucks

2007-10-07T22:40:00.000-04:00

I have the software for two printers installed on my computer. One is a Lexmark X85 and the other is an HP 6100 series all-in-one. Well, recently I was away from home and needed to print something. An HP 1400 series was available to me, so I decided to take advantage of it. But I didn't have the software. No problem, I thought, I'll just download it from HP's website.

That was no easy task. First I tried simply downloading the drivers, but after three attempts at installing them, it simply refused to find the printer and always hung on the screen where you are supposed to install the USB cable.

So I decided to download the complete program - all bloated 192 MB of it. No, I didn't really want or need HP Photosmart Essential or HP Solutions Center, but I didn't have much choice. I'd spent far too much time on this as it was. Their server was just about the slowest I've seen for a major computer-industry company.

As I'm installing the software - second attempt, by the way - it tells me I have an older version of HP's "all-in-one" software installed on my computer. Yes, this is for the HP 6100 series printer that I normally use. It gave me no options, but told me it was going to update this software and assured me my old printer would still work with it. Yeah, right!

I finally got the software installed and it recognized the 1400. As I expected, I noticed the 6100 was now gone. OK...I at least got to do what I had to do.

Well, today I tried printing again to the 6100. No surprise, total gibberish. It sent something to the printer, but what came out was nothing but a few lines of symbols, then a sheet with one line of junk on it, and so on. It was only a two page document. After about 10 wasted pages I managed to notice what was happening and cancel the print job.

This is just stupid programming. Why would the engineer assume by installing one model of their printer's software that I want to delete a different one? Or why wouldn't they simply make this magical "all-in-one" software compatible with multiple printers? That's the impression they gave me with the information boxes that appeared during installation, but apparently this is not the case.

Just to confirm that HP software totally sucks and their programmers are morons, I noticed a new icon on my desktop when all of this was done. It's a shortcut that consists of the HP logo and text underneath it that says:

get your downloaded software

I'm not quite sure what that means? But it gets worse. The popup text that appears when you place the cursor over this icon reads:

download your downloaded software

Yep, HP, you suck! Want further proof? Simply do a Google search on "HP sucks" and you'll immediately get about 2.5 million results! There's a heck of a lot of HP-bashing going on out there. Must be a reason. Must be many reasons. I certainly found a worthy one. Somehow it's comforting to know I'm not alone.

Cadillac - It's All in the Delivery

2007-10-01T19:51:00.000-04:00

There's a marvelous new commercial on TV right now for Cadillac. A very attractive woman is listing all of the cool things built into a Cadillac as she drives through the night. She finishes with a truly great ad line: "The question is, when you turn on your car, does it return the favor?"

What's so good about this line is, first of all, the incredibly sultry way in which she delivers it. But secondly, it lets the viewer decide what "turn on" means. If you want to think sex, fine. But it can also be a wonderful euphemism for "excite" or "energize." Lines that let the listeners or viewers define them in their minds instead of shoving something down their throats are by far the most effective.

However, delivery DOES count. As I said, part of what makes this work in the TV commercial is the way in which the actress says the words. She injects an incredible pause. But just today I heard a radio commercial for a local Cadillac dealer who obviously wanted to pick up on this new ad theme, but like many car dealers, feels he has the vocal skills to actually read and deliver advertising copy.

Imaging someone saying this very quickly, and pretty much without any inflection:

TriCity Cadillac wants to know if your car turns you on when you turn it on and if you want to save a LOT of money on a brand new Cadillac today!

Embarrassingly lame, but I'm sure he thinks he's doing his part to promote the national campaign. Of course when nobody comes into his dealership because he's a moron, I'm sure it will be the fault of Cadillac's advertising and not his pathetic attempt at being a commercial spokesperson.

The automotive industry has always had a huge problem. It spends a huge amount of money making some amazingly stunning national television commercials that are totally undone by all the local dealers who know absolutely nothing conveying a meaningful message to potential customers.

Marketers Are Idiots - Total Cereal Edition

2007-10-01T19:34:00.001-04:00

The clueless morons who have no idea what to do to market their product are at it again! In a company as large as General Mills it's no surprise that there is no shortage of them.

I just saw a commercial for Total Cereal. It's got a lot going for it. It's a very healthy product, tastes, well, OK and comes in a variety of flavors that vastly improve upon the basic, bland version.

But this commercial!?!? It starts off playing an old Canned Heat song from the mid 1960s called On the Road Again. Very memorable song at the time, but really hasn't entered into the top tunes of the decade. But, like so many other stupid marketers out there, they figure people stop growing in terms of thought, arts, music and tastes when they reach about 25 years of age. Then, by simply playing a piece of music from that era - HEY, we are connecting with former hippies who are now in the 50s and 60s and in need of a healthy cereal that will help them lose weight!

IDIOTS! I am so freakin' tired of this marketing "strategy." They enhance the music with all sorts of outdated "psychedelic" animation and lettering, because, of course, that's the only kind of graphics "hippies" respond to! I think what really bothers me the most is that these ads are being created by 20-something copywriters and art directors at agencies who think this technique is an effective shortcut to reaching the baby-boom generation. It is NOT! It's patronizing and, as far as I'm concerned, does the exact opposite of what they are trying to do.

I hope this campaign fails miserably and heads at General Mills and their ad agency roll.

Stupid Marketing is, well, STUPID

2007-09-12T23:36:00.000-04:00

There is a television station in Winchester, Virginia. Only one. It's actually sort of a field office for a station based a few miles south in Harrisonburg.

Anyway, they make a big deal about being "in your community." I assume this was their big idea to try and localize the broadcasts. They used to say this every time they mentioned the station or came back from a commercial break. It got hugely tedious and they've cut way back on it. Thank you!

But that's not what this post is about. The station has been trying hard to sign on advertisers, but by the number of PSAs they run it doesn't look like they're having much success. However, Dunkin Donuts must have recently agreed to a schedule, because they are now running spots in the 11:00 p.m. news recommending that you stop in tomorrow morning for one of their many flavors of coffee.

The spot concludes with the announcer saying, "Dunkin Donuts is the official coffee of TV3 Winchester's new at 11:oo." Huh? The official coffee of a newscast? Not just any newscast, the 11:oo p.m. newscast. When the heck did newscasts start having an official anything? It boggles the mind the extremes to which this absurdity could be taken.

This is one of the stupidest marketing ideas I have seen in a long time. If anybody is influenced to buy a cup of coffee from Dunkin Donuts because it is the official coffee of this totally amateur newscast, we truly are on the road to Armageddon. What crap!

Marketers Are Idiots - Coke Zero Edition

2007-09-10T22:59:00.001-04:00

Coke is spending millions and millions of dollars to try and promote their new Coke Zero product - and I haven't seen a brand that is more clueless and desperate in a long, long time.

Their run-into-the-ground commercial, which they are showing both on national television and in movie theaters, features two geeky dolts talking to an "actual" lawyer supposedly on hidden camera. It appears these guys work for regular Coke and want to sue Coke Zero for "taste infringement." The lawyers basically tell them they can't sue their own company and they would be fired if they try. But the two idiots claim they want the manager of Coke Zero to curl up and cry underneath the copy machine.

The are violating one of the most important rules of consumer marketing: "Don't talk to yourself!"

I'm assuming what they are trying to do is convey that Coke Zero tastes exactly the same as regular Coke but...uh, but...there's "zero" of something in there. You'd think calories, right? No, I guess it's no sugar, but I certainly didn't find that out from this lame, amateur commercial.

It's so amazingly desperate. I can imagine everyone at Coke sitting around trying to figure out how they should communicate the concept of this product and somebody with absolutely no marketing skills or experience whatsoever said, "I know! Let's do a spot where we sue ourselves for making something that tastes so much like regular Coke that there's copyright infringement. We can make it even better by bringing in real lawyers and capture their incredulous outrage at such a bold idea!" Everyone laughed, added their two cents and congratulated this clueless member of the team with his or her brilliance!

Sorry. It's just lame, insipid and stupid. It doesn't convey a thing and it's not funny. The money is going down the drain and this product is destined to fail. The marketers at Coke are idiots.

New Rule for Viral Videos

2007-09-06T22:59:00.000-04:00

I take exception to calling any video that appears on the Internet "viral" but I'll save that rant for another day.

Right now I want to propose a new rule for all the idiots with video cameras who are shooting one of their friends attempting to perform a Jackass-style stunt that we know is going to bad.

Shut the hell up!

The audio track of every video you see is exactly the same and exactly as inane. It always goes like this:

"Ok. Go. Do it."
(a moment of silence while the "stuntman" risks his life)
"Oooooooohhhhh, Dude!"
(cackle cackle cackle ha ha ha ha ha)
"Are you all right?"
(chortle cackle ha ha ha ha ha ha)

It's amazing how annoying the laugh of most 20-something guys is.

Then they run the video in slow motion and we get to hear the moron behind the camera giggle once again at a much lower pitch.

Go ahead and test me on this. You'll see I'm right. So I propose a new rule that needs to be adopted Internet-wide. If the cameraman can't stay out of the video by keeping his stupid mouth shut, then the video is instantly banned for any and all upload sites. Just imagine if they did this on TV shows or movies. You watch an action-packed stunt and then the crew all make comments, applaud and say "ooooohhhhhh" in unison. Wouldn't work. You'd switch the channel or walk out. So why the double standard?

Camera dudes - SHUT UP!

Product Placement Gone Wild

2007-09-01T12:59:00.001-04:00

Everyone is becoming more and more cognisant about what they call "product placement" in movies and TV shows. That's where some readily recognizable brand of product is either used by a character or appears in a scene. It's a very subtle - and effective - form of branding that carries an implied endorsement. It's been around a long time, but with the way people are doing their best to avoid traditional advertising these days, it's become increasingly important to marketers to get their products displayed in alternative ways.

This brings me to the recent film, Fracture, starring Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling. I wanted to see it when it first came out, but just didn't get around to it. I really enjoy Sir Anthony - especially when he plays a bad guy - and the previews looked great! So I rented it and watched it last night. It's a very well done suspense thriller with lots of great dialog, interesting characters and some cool courtroom action. It's full of all sorts of plot holes and a few too many twists, but was very engrossing - with one MAJOR exception.

Obviously Apple computer continued its onslaught of Hollywood with its blatant product placement in this film. I don't know if someone at Apple has an incredible "in" with the Hollywood creative crowd, or if the folks who make movies just simply love Apple, but it's amazing how many recent films show the famous bite-out-of-the-apple logo on screen. In Fracture they went to extremes!

First of all, the lead character played by Gosling, is a fast-track lawyer with the Los Angeles prosecutor's office. As he gets ready to go to work in the morning, they cut to a closeup of him inserting his Apple laptop into its case before he heads out the door. I mean this was a complete and full setup that the filmmakers had to spend significant time and money to do, simply to clearly show the logo as the computer is packed up.

Later we see this same laptop on his desk in the office, but it gets worse. The police use Apples, the bad guy has a Mac on his desk, which he left open before going off to go kill his wife so we can easily see the logo, and even the judge during the trial has an open Mac on her bench so that everyone in the courtroom can clearly see what kind of computer she uses!

The problem with all of this is that, first of all, I highly doubt the L.A. prosecutor's office uses Apple laptops, and I really don't know if many judges keep an open laptop on their bench during a trial. If they do, again, I seriously doubt it's a Mac. And because the filmmakers made all of these appearances so incredibly obvious, to me it seriously hurt the credibility and believability of the movie. They went too far. Fracture became a running Apple Mac commercial more than a tight psychological thriller.

I just wonder what they got in return for ruining their movie. When product placement stops being subtle, I think it also stops being effective. My reaction to the use of so many Macs in this film - and I happen to like Macintosh computers a lot - is highly negative. Too much. Stop it! Let me enjoy the film without you hitting me in the face with an Apple logo every few minutes. I almost expected the "Hello, I'm a Mac" guy to pop up and say something.

Time to back off a bit. Everyone will benefit.

Caitlin Upton is No Dumb Blond

2007-08-28T17:57:00.000-04:00

By now everyone has seen the clip of Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina, answering the question about why 20% of Americans can't locate the United States on a map. It's classic and exactly the type of 15-minutes-of-fame that the Internet is all about today.

She appeared on the Today Show with Matt Laurer and Ann Curry today to talk about the clip and the contest and basically tell everyone, "Hey, I'm human. I was nervous. I rambled. I made a mistake."

The thing is, she came off very poised, extremely cute, honest and really, really good-natured. She even explained what a lunar eclipse is, probably reading from a prompter, but still, not a single flub delivering a detailed technical definition.

Most importantly...whose name is everyone saying today? Whose face is everyone seeing? Whose clip from the competition was shown last night on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno? Who is everyone searching for on YouTube? And who just made the above-mentioned appearance on the Today Show?

Can you tell me the name of the girl who actually won the contest?

Caitlin Upton is no dumb blond. She will go far. Good for her!

Marketers Are Idiots - Viagra Edition

2007-08-25T22:20:00.000-04:00

What's wrong with this picture?

Six guys - four whites, including a guy who is presumably a "biker" because he's dressed in leather and wears a red-and-white bandanna, and two blacks - meet at an abandoned roadhouse bar somewhere in the woods. They happen to have some guitars, a standup bass, a set of drums and a piano - and each one knows how to play one of these instruments. It seems only the white guys can sing. They start jamming and do a version of Elvis Presley's Viva Las Vegas...except they change the chorus to "Viva Viagra".

Pretty ludicrous idea, huh? Well, that's Pfizer's current prime time television campaign for their little blue boner pills!

Everyone I know who has seen this commercial - and it's print version which is now hitting the national magazines - thinks it is just laughable. A true "what were they thinking" response. Even my 14-year-old son thinks they are totally absurd. It's really hard to comment on it, because it is so incredibly lame - and I guess ultimately desperate. The product managers at Pfizer are trying to make Viagra a new happy party pill instead of treating it as a prescription medication to treat a medical condition. Pop a Viagra, sing a happy song, and go have some wild sex, man! Sad...very, very sad.

But just when you think it couldn't get any worse...go to the official Viagra website! Not only do you get watch the commercial, but you can play a game of educational darts! After each toss of a dart, up pops some very useful information about erectile dysfunction and how Viagra is the miracle cure. Yes, a game of online darts! I can only image a group of 50-year-olds gathering around the computer and competing with one another, and oh yes, reading aloud the statistics on limp dicks. "Hey, Bob, come on over and we'll play some Viagra darts on the computer!"

But there's more! You can also mix your own version of Viva Viagra! It actually says: Learn more about Viagra by creating your own rendition of the Viva Viagra song!"

Click on the link and..."Choose the instruments. Mix up the beats. Get into the spirit of Viva VIAGRA."

Doesn't that sound exciting? Can you imagine one sick, sad, sorry person in need of a life actually DOING this?

A new low has been reached. An incredible amount of money has been wasted. Congratulations to the idiotic Viagra marketing team at Pfizer.

Read a good critique by Allison Linn at the MSNBC blog, Ads of the Weird.

LOL Cats

2007-08-20T09:43:00.000-04:00

I don't know a whole lot about the LOLCat phenomenon, but true to its name, I frequently burst out laughing when I see some of the goofy photos and clever captions. I know it all started with a photo of a cute cat and a caption having something to do with a "cheezburger" It seems the best site to view LOLCat photos is icanhascheezeburger.com.

I decided to jump on the bandwagon. I've had a cat allowing me to live with it and feed it for most of my life. In fact as I write this I have a large orange tabby laying against my leg and purring loudly. He even permits me to scratch his head once in a while.

I submitted a couple of photos to icanhascheezeburger, but none of my work has showed up yet. Apparently they are a small operation that pretty much started out as a blog and has grown much faster than they ever could have imagined. Good for them! I tried using the "LOLCat Creator" tool that links to their site, but it was awfully slow and never seemed to work, so I just fired up Photoshop and did it all myself. So here are a couple of examples. If they don't make you laugh, at least I hope they make you smile.

Maybe I'll upload some more later. Right now the cat is demanding some attention, and patience is a virtue he does not possess!

Moronic Commentary by Michael Kinsley

2007-08-12T23:40:00.000-04:00

I've been reading the August 13, 2007 edition of Time magazine and just finished the Commentary on page 26 by Michael Kinsley.

What a disappointment! Kinsley is normally in sync with my views on things. At the very least he writes intelligent, insightful and thought-provoking opinions. But this one, entitled Nostra Culpa, is so flawed that I couldn't resist commenting on it. The subhead is, Pundits and politicians admitted to being wrong about Iraq. Shouldn't the American public do the same?

Are you serious?

Basically he is calling for the American public to recant or apologize for supporting the country's decision to invade Iraq. He figures if the politicians who supported the war and are now backtracking can admit they were wrong, so can the American people. Someone he doesn't see President Bush's dwindling approval rating - especially as related to his handing of the "war" - as exactly what he is demanding. We are withdrawing our support. We are recanting our acceptance.

There is another big difference that Kinsley seems to have missed. A politician, a congressman, a senator, a military general or a member of the Bush administration is a person. And a person can apologize, recant, admit wrongdoing and change his or her mind. The apology can be made to the American public. But the American public is not one person with one voice who can possess a single point of view. Does Kinsley expect a couple hundred million apologies? And to whom? How about if instead, we withdraw our support of the war by not approving of the way the administration is handling it? Oh wait, isn't that what we're going?

Kinsley also seems to want to lay a certain amount of blame for the invasion on the American public. He says we supported it at the beginning, so we're responsible for it.

But Mr. Kinsley, we were lied to by people who were supposed to know what they were doing! How may of us could independently check the "facts" we were being fed about weapons of mass destruction, ties between Iraq and terrorists and why we needed to do what the Bush administration was telling us we had to do? We trusted our leaders. Are we supposed to apologize for that?

This is a very misguided commentary from an otherwise excellent columnist. I can't imagine he thought it through very well. But I don't think the American public is the culprit in our current nightmare. I don't think we have anything to apologize for but have every right to expect those who do to quickly make amends.

Marketers Are Idiots - Nexium Edition

2007-08-06T16:53:00.001-04:00

Another in the series of "what were they thinking?" ads...this time from AstraZeneca for their anti-acid-reflux medication Nexium. Here's the ad they ran in Time magazine:

Not a bad layout. Interesting photo with easy-to-read text on top of it. Detailed copy below in case it got your attention. Large image of a pill so you know what the ad is for. Good use of the logo - and color. They've actually done a good job of marketing their product as the "purple pill." That's even the URL of their website, www.purplepill.com.

So what's wrong with the ad? Take a closer look at the text superimposed over the photo of the dad climbing the ladder into the treehouse to join his two young sons:

It reads:

Knows they have homework.

Knows they have chores.

Doesn't Know acid reflux may be damaging his esophagus.

HUH?

In the world of advertising non sequiturs, this is one of the most outlandish I've ever seen! Maybe they wanted their readers to turn their heads to the side like a dog that just heard a strange high-pitched noise. But I somehow doubt it. In fact, the two statements that sort of make sense and go with the photo actually don't when you think about it. So that makes the whole ad - the visual - the headline text - everything - totally contrived, and stupid, and the product of marketing idiots.

What goes on in the board room at companies like AstraZeneca? Do they all become brain-dead zombies when the agency presents a concept? Or, more likely, do they take the agency's concept and then give everyone a vote on how best to turn it into meaningless drivel? That would be my guess. But the bottom line, they are marketers and they are idiots!

But do they know they are idiots? Hmmmm...could be an ad concept in there somewhere!

Marketers Are Idiots - Dove Edition

2007-08-05T22:17:00.000-04:00

I've noticed that Readers Digest is really skewing "old" in its overall editorial content. I'm sure they've done lots of research and the people who are reading it are the aging baby boomers, so it seems they are filling their niche and doing so quite well. Still, it seems the ads are skewing even older than the boomer generation. Take a look at this one that appears in the current issue:

This falls into the "what were they thinking" category quite well. The ad features a "mature" woman who is wearing her hair in a style you would typically find on someone a whole lot younger. But because this woman defiantly refuses to age or fall into any stereotype, she confidently continues to bleach her hair fully blond and wear it long. The very hard-to-read copy says, "try telling her it's too late for full locks." (Didn't anybody tell the people at Dove that large, easy-to-read type is appreciated by people getting older?) Even the name of the product - Dove Pro-Age - feeds into the whole "refuse to get old" theme.

The thing is, the model - and the way she is photographed - looks either like a guy in drag or a woman trying to fool us into thinking she's much younger than she is by wearing a ridiculous wig. In fact, she looks a lot like Rob Schneider when he appeared as a last-minute replacement for Lindsay Lohan on a recent Tonight Show!

At the very least, if they feel they need to buy into this stupid "I refuse to age" game, the should have hired a model who doesn't look like a professional female wrestler and them fem her up with "full locks." One thing I can guarantee you, this ad was created by defiant women who dare anyone to say anything negative about anything they do, but approved by men who are as clueless as can be!

Thank you Dove for proving once again that marketers are idiots!

Why Bush Will Never Capture bin Laden

2007-08-03T14:14:00.001-04:00

An article appeared on Digg today from democraticunderground.com. It outlines how three generations of the Bush dynasty have had intimate ties with the bin Laden family of Saudi Arabia. I knew most of the details that appear in the article already, but it's still shocking to me every time I read about it again.

It's time for America to stop being so gullible and start demanding some accountability. And it's time for Congress to start doing its job.

read more | digg story

January 20, 2009 - The End of America

2007-08-02T00:04:00.001-04:00

OK, I know I'm totally paranoid, but I am convinced that the United States of American is going to come to an end on January 20, 2009. We won't be brought down by some terrorist group or rogue nation with a nuclear weapon. That's the date that I'm convinced George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and their minions will declare martial law and refuse to give up control of the country to whomever is duly elected in the November 2008 presidential election.

This is why I find the "debates" and all the silly campaigning going on now to be such a horrible joke. There's no way Barak Obama or Hillary Clinton will be permitted to take the office of President of the United States. And there certainly aren't any Republicans seeking the office who are as evil and devious as the current administration's leaders.

There are so many tactics Bush can employ. First of all, he can claim that because we are at war - even if it's a war of his making - the office of Commander in Chief cannot be compromised by making a change. He has no allegiance to the Constitution anyway, so why should this situation be any different? Just rewrite it to make the presidential transition null and void during time of war. Why not? Executive privilege, right?

Or he can transfer power to Cheney, who can continue their evil corrupt practices for the next several years. Cheney can appoint anyone they see fit to rule, and we have fully entered our new totalitarian regime. The end of America. Now we can invade any country with impunity. We can rob anyone we wish of their natural resources. We can build nations and appoint rulers...and bring on the end of civilization. After all, Bush expects his rewards are waiting for him in heaven, right? Kind of like the 9/11 hijackers, huh?

So the experiment is going to fail. The wonderful ideas of our founding fathers will soon be discarded for a renewal of the Old World way of European kings and dictators. The saddest part of this is that we are allowing it to happen. Our Congress is not doing the checks and balances on executive power that it is sworn to do, and we are not requiring our elected officials to do what is right and proper. The judicial branch is a joke, fully controlled and falling in line with whatever the president's men tell them to do. So what do Bush and Cheney have to fear? Absolutely nothing. And the have everything to gain.

Count the days. Mark the date. Say goodbye to America. Rest in peace.

Marketers Are Idiots - Tylenol Edition

2007-07-28T17:07:00.000-04:00

Everyone knows that the generic or store brand of any over-the-counter medication is just as good as the name brand. In fact, it's identical. And usually quite a bit cheaper. A lot of people still buy the name brand, but they know they are spending more money for the exact same product. I'm sure there are some interesting psychological reasons why they do this. I don't.

If you take look at Tylenol's current marketing campaign, it's obvious that this fact scares the crap out of them. They have decided that the method to counteract the way store brands are eating into their obscene profits by launching their new "Promise" campaign.

The expensive, prime-time television commercial shows a number of Tylenol employees, each making a promise to the public to make a good product. They even claim that they inject "love" into their acetaminophen tablets. One of them vows to never forget that they are making something that "goes into someone's body." They are also very careful to point out that they "don't make store-brand products."

Interestingly, the commercial makes a big deal out of a new website they have launched. I went there and if they get more than my one hit it's totally beyond me why. The site shows nine different Tylenol employees, each with a story to tell via a video clip. In each one the worker makes a solemn promise to make Tylenol a great product and comment on what a wonderful family the company represents. I'm certainly not going to go back and check, but I'm pretty sure each employee makes reference to this - unprompted by the agency and corporation I'm sure! Of course there is a politically correct mixture of young, old - men, women - white, black, Hispanic - and long-time, new employees.

(The grammar cop in me also wants to point out that the instruction on the website's video monitor - "Choose an employee to hear their story" incorrectly mixes the singular noun with a plural pronoun - but this is minor stupidity compared to the massive lameness of the bigger idea at work here!)

So, rather than provide any solid reason why we should buy Tylenol over an identical store brand (actually there are none), they are trying to convince us it's better because it's made by people who care. If you want to be a part of this wonderful family, throw out your reprehensible store-brand pain relievers and only buy love-loaded Tylenol.

I wish they had shown one of the product's marketing managers. A scared-to-death clueless idiot who has no idea how to marketing his product other than making some lame, emotional appeal that is so transparent as to be laughable. Now that's a story I would have liked to have heard!

Why Does Cancel Mean Credit?

2007-07-26T21:02:00.000-04:00

This happens to everyone every day. It's stupid and should be fixed, but no one ever will because it's so trivial and unimportant. I'm talking about using your bank debit card as a credit card - and how stupid the machines are that you need to use to do this.

I was in CVS Pharmacy. I'm not picking on them, but their card reader system is typical of what you find in a lot of places. You scan your card - or in the case of CVS you slide it into the machine upside down. You're presented with a screen and at the bottom it gives you one button for "Credit" and another one for "Debit." I don't know what the Spanish equivalents are, but they were there too. I used the little pen attached to the reader to hit "Credit".

After a moment, a screen pops up with a numeric keypad asking me to enter my PIN. This probably would also have happened if I had hit "Debit" so I'm not sure why I was given that choice in the first place. Nowhere on the screen does it say "Credit" but there is a "Cancel" button. Yes, that's what you need to press to pick credit. Not very intuitive, eh? You're not canceling your transaction or the process or even the screen. You're canceling...well, I don't really know what you're cancelong. Even though I knew better, I asked the cashier if I should hit cancel for credit. She rolled her eyes like she had been asked this question 1000 times and we should all automatically know that cancel means credit and said, "yes."

So I hit cancel and up came a screen asking me to confirm that I wanted to use my card as a credit card. Hmmm...didn't I say that on the very first screen? So I hit yes and up came the signature screen. I signed and then had to hit one more button, this time agreeing to pay the amount of my purchase.

Yes, this is a very minor inconvenience compared to most things in life, but I just don't understand why no one has finally done something to fix this stupidity. At the beginning of the transaction, ask if the customer wants to pay credit or debit. And then bring up either the PIN-entry screen OR the signature screen. Computers are smart enough to do this. I guess the people who program card readers aren't. At least not the ones CVS hires.

What makes this even more fun is when you happen upon a card reader that has actually been set up and programmed correctly. In this case, cancel really means cancel - and on more than one occasion, because I'm so used to having to compensate for the stupid systems out there - I have actually had to start over. Cancel actually DID mean cancel - everything! Go figure.

Marketers Are Idiots - Blue Bunny Edition

2007-07-24T23:20:00.000-04:00

Blue Bunny ice cream is made by Wells Dairy in Le Mars, Iowa. I guess they're a pretty big company. They claim that more ice cream is made in Le Mars than anyplace else in the world. Great trivia answer should you ever be asked.

But their advertising is made - and approved by - idiots! I just saw a :30-second TV commercial running in prime time on a national network. It is so bad, I can't imagine the agency proposing it, much less a group of ice-cream marketers in Iowa approving it.

The setting is a TV game show like The Dating Game. I can't recall what they actually called it, but there is a young, attractive blond girl sitting on one side of a screen with a set of note cards in her hand. Typical '60s game show music is playing. She excitedly asks, "Contestant #1. Describe your perfect date."

Cut to a carton of ice cream sitting on a stool. Yes, a carton of ice cream. We hear a voice, presumably coming from the carton that says, "You, me and a spoon."

The girl seems intrigued. Apparently she has no idea that she is interviewing a carton of ice cream. So she asks another question. "Contestant #2, if you had to choose between good looks or great taste, which would it be?"

Cut to another carton of ice cream. We hear a voice in some strange foreign accent. "Fortunately, I don't have to!"

She smiles and continues. "Contestant #3. If you were ice cream, what flavor would you be?"

Another carton of ice cream and another voice. "You're kidding, right?"

At this point the girl just looks confused and the announcer chimes in with some drivel about ice cream that speaks for itself. Get it? The ice cream talks in the commercial, so it "speaks for itself!" Really clever, huh?

This is so lame I can't believe it. If you walked up to a 10-year-old on the street and asked him or her to come up with a television commercial for Blue Bunny ice cream, I guarantee you that you would get something better than this "professionally produced" spot. As I said, what amazes me most is that even one person in the board room at Wells Dairy nodded in approval when this ad was shown for approval. The agency's account executive should be shot.

But then again, marketers are idiots and they think their customers are as stupid as they are. And this is as stupid as it gets!

Fear-Mongering at a New Low

2007-07-24T13:16:00.000-04:00

Everyone in this country with an IQ above George W. Bush's current approval rating has come to realize that keeping us "scared" is the #1 priority of the Office of Homeland Security. As long as we are trembling in fear from the evil-doers out there in the world, we will allow the government to take away all of our personal liberties. And we'll allow the executive branch of that government to totally subrogate the U.S. Constitution with their own warped interpretation of our laws.

So what happens when, darn it all, there hasn't been an attack on us lately? Michael Chertoff, the head of Homeland Security, says he has a "gut feeling" that terrorists could strike us sometime this summer. "The intent to attack us remains as strong as it was on September 10, 2001," he said.

Give me - give us all - a break!

This is a new low in abject fear-mongering. Even if there's nothing to be afraid of, be afraid! Otherwise how can we protect you? Plus this is such a no-lose stance for DHS to take. If he's wrong, well, good! We're obviously doing a great job in deterring those nasties out there. If he's right, see, I told you so! Be afraid when we tell you to be afraid.

We're in trouble, people. Serious, dark trouble. I hope we can turn this around before it's too late.

Lev Grossman Has Lost My Respect

2007-07-23T22:41:00.000-04:00

Actually I don't know if I have lost respect for Mr. Grossman or Time Magazine for letting him write such a moronic article as his Briefing in the July 23, 2007 edition of the magazine.

What's amazing is how much drivel he was able to pack into less than half a page.

First of all he makes a big deal out of the fact that J.K. Rowling published the Harry Potter series under that name instead of Joanne, and that she doesn't have a middle name - she added the "K" because she liked it better. Does any of this matter? Has no other author modified his or her name - or written under a pseudonym? Mr. Grossman has published two novels. Is "Lev" his real first name? Why didn't he use his middle name or initial if it's so important to have a "real" one?

Moronic!

Then Grossman compares Rowling's novels to those of J.R.R. Tolkein and C. S. Lewis. (I wonder why he made no comment about these authors' decision to use initials instead of names!) He cites the overtly Christian content of The Lord of the Rings and Chronicles of Narnia and says this is "missing" from Harry Potter. Then he actually write this idiotic sentence:

"If you want to know who dies in Harry Potter, the answer is easy: God."

Time even highlights this sentence in big red letters in the middle of the article!

What the hell is wrong with you, Lev? Rowling would have had to include God in her novels for Him to die, but that's beside the point. How absurd for you, a marginal novelist at best, to criticize Rowling for her omission of a deity in her word. Jealous much?

But he goes further to claim that Rowling is an atheist who has more in common with Christopher Hitchens (a journalist, not a novelist) than Tolkein or Lewis. Grossman, you are a moron! So anyone who writes a novel and doesn't include God is an atheist? This isn't just stupid, it's illogical bigotry.

The rest of the article is spent poking at Rowling for saying love is more of a motivating factor in Harry Potter than a deity. He also laments Harry's fate following the end of the final book in the series since he will be living in a godless world.

Go back and get your Ph.D., Grossman...or maybe Harvard discovered what an idiot you are and they wouldn't let you back in.

And Time, what are you doing? Where have your journalistic standards gone? Don't you read what your contributors write any more? Sad.

The Newest Most Annoying Person on TV

2007-07-09T23:43:00.000-04:00

Adrianna Costa has become the newest most annoying person on television. Have you watched her on Fox's "reality" show On The Lot?

Prior to defecting to Fox, Costa was the Entertainment Girl (it's hard for me to call her a "reporter") on CNN Headline News in the morning. She showed up on Robin & Company to recap American Idol or gossip about who's doing what with whom in Hollywood. Obviously she was hired for her looks with the assumption that the majority of this show's audience are men looking for a little eye candy before tackling the world at work. She complained a lot about her lack of social life and how unpleasant it was to get up so early in the morning.

Now she's the hostess of On The Lot, where she does her best Ryan Seacrest imitation to introduce young filmmakers who are hoping to get a contract to make movies. She's not very good at it. In fact, she's pretty annoying. She wears the most outlandish inappropriate clothing in an effort to either show off her legs, enhance her bustline or show how many curves she's got. She is all over the young filmmakers, hugging and kissing the women and telling them how fantastic they look. Obviously looking fantastic is a very important part of her world. She routinely carried her makeup with her onto the CNNHN set and almost daily was caught by the camera flipping her hair or primping before her story starts.

It's very hard to watch her on her new show. She does little dips and throws kisses, sucks up to the judges and does her best to be the next Hollywood "personality" with no talent or skills, but massive fame and recognition. I'm sure we'll see her next in movies or maybe she'll get her own show. Someone I don't think anything she does is going to make her less annoying. Well, except maybe for the inevitable spread in Playboy!

Speculation is NOT News!

2007-07-06T12:38:00.000-04:00

I'm watching CNN Headline News, which is the most schizophrenic network on television. It's great in the morning and infuriatingly stupid in prime time. But that's not the point right now.

The are covering "Breaking News" of a car chase in California. Police have been following a driver for over an hour on the northbound freeway. There are at least two news helicopters in the air following the chase and sending their feeds probably everywhere. It's actually kind of fascinating to watch this as it unfolds.

But the commentators are totally inane. I don't know how many they've got piped in, but I'm hearing at least four or five different voices, including Wallace Zeins, a former NYPD hostage negotiator. No, this isn't a hostage situation, but I guess they feel he has some valuable insights. Actually, because he knows police procedures, his comments are far more interesting that the ignorant newspeople's attempts to offer something relevant.

What amazing me is how these people keep talking non-stop with absolutely no knowledge of what's going on. They think it might be a woman, but they're not sure. She might be suspected of DUI, but maybe the chase started with a traffic violation. Could she have a gun? Might there be warrants out for her arrest? What is her mental state? Does she have curly hair?

The speculation keeps going on and on and on and as time goes by they seem to stretch further and further. Now they're talking about "copycat" crimes. Could she be copying something she saw or heard on the news? Could someone else think it would be cool to take the police on a long drive like this? And, oh do they love it when a police car pulls a little closer to her! Wait...wait...wait...something is happening here! They might be making a move on her! Oh, no, I guess not.

But I guess that's what we've come to accept from our newscasts these days. Instead of objectively reporting the news, we let our journalists ask a bunch of unanswerable questions and we assume they are doing their jobs.

Even better...they just broke away for a commercial break! Do you think they got a message to the police to not doing anything for the next couple of minutes? It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest!

And now I guess they are finally bored. Back to the studio and the news as scheduled.

Oh...wait! They just broke into a commercial to go back to the live coverage! She's slowing down and pulling over. And...now Comcast broke in with their OWN commercial! Incredible!!! Their pre-scheduled local commercial break took over! OK...back to live...and now our newscasters are asking why the heck the cops didn't force her to the ground and how they know no one else is in the car. Still doing their jobs. But I sure bet they wish it had ended in a spectacular shootout. Oh well, that Emmy will just have to wait until another day.

What to Do About Bush and Cheney

2007-07-05T17:52:00.000-04:00

I wish I had written this article. It sums up what has been going through my head for the past couple of days so perfectly. I hope every person who voted for George W. Bush in the last presidential election reads it, hears about it or has someone read it to him or her.

It's not too late. You made a mistake. We all did. And we all allowed it to go on far too long. But it's time to put an end to it all. It's time to make America great again. Do something!

Read this wonderful article here.

Then, as the article concludes, "throw the bums out!"

Libby Shoud Be Executed

2007-07-02T20:34:00.000-04:00

I am so outraged at the news today - but I am also not completely surprised. So President Bush has commuted the sentence of Scooter Libby? I guess the only real surprise is that he didn't do it on a Friday night or holiday so that hopefully not many people would notice. Of course he did it in writing so he wouldn't have to own up to his decision. It's hard to look into a camera beaming your image to the country when what's going through your head is, "Screw you, America!"

As far as I see if, Libby is a traitor. He identified an active covert agent of our Central Intelligence Agency and put her life in jeopardy. This is a direct violation of law and a blatant act of treason. The fact that he did it as the behest of our vice president, also makes Cheney a traitor. And now that Bush has basically pardoned Libby, he has condoned this illegal act of treason.

Libby should have received a sentence of death for his actions.

Bush and Cheney should immediately be removed from office and, at the very least, imprisoned for their crimes against America.

I only hope this has totally doomed the Republican party from any hope of sending anyone to the White House or Congress in the next election. Of course, with the way things are going, this administration might find a way to completely circumvent every law of the land, invoke martial law and refuse to turn over power to whomever is legally elected in 2008. Scary thought, but that's exactly what happened in Nazi Germany. And every day Bush and Cheney are allowed to continue to destroy America, the more we start looking like the Third Reich.

Please, somebody, get rid of them now!

Can't Wait to Watch the News!

2007-06-26T18:04:00.000-04:00

I sure hope nothing happened in the world today. Well, I guess it wouldn't matter anyway. Paris is out of jail, so I'll be glued to the TV all night long! I hope they got her first words. And I hope they interview Inmate #37748 who might have made eye contact with Ms. Hilton one day as she walked by her cell. And there have got to be starving kids in other countries who have an opinion on this American travesty of justice. Oh, I can't wait! And please, please, please let Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace devote their ENTIRE shows to their unique, in-depth journalistic abilities at saying absolutely nothing intelligent for 30 minutes at a time. I can't wait for Nancy to ask the prison matron if she saw Paris' naked butt and if it had any marking on it. Yes, I love it when "Nancy Grace investigates!"

Then again, maybe I'll read a good book.

No News Is News - AGAIN!

2007-06-26T07:34:00.000-04:00

MSN and the Associated Press are reporting that "Rosie Says She Won't Replace Bob Barker".

How is this news?

Supposedly she was being considered as the new host of The Price is Right. But CBS wanted her to relocate to Los Angeles. She and her "partner" and four adopted children didn't want to move, and, as Rosie reports, she doesn't need the money.

How is this news?

First of all, what was CBS thinking? Rosie as the host of one of the most popular, longest running game shows on television? How many failures will Rosie be given before the powers that be realize America HATES her? Replacing the charming, personable, popular Bob Barker with a fat, loud-mouthed, irritating lesbian would be the biggest mistake the network could make. Thank goodness for them than they could not get Rosie to relocate. This has helped save them from their idiotic selves!

But again, how is this news? Rosie probably isn't going to fly on the next space shuttle mission. Is that news? I'll bet she isn't going to run for president. Is that the AP's next headline?

I'm continually amazed and discouraged by how low America's news media has sunk.

But more on that later...Paris is out of jail and I've got to get ready to watch the CNN interview!

The Terrorists Have Won

2007-06-15T00:20:00.000-04:00

This is Monica Emmerson and her 19-month-old son. They tried to get on an airplane June 11th at Washington's Reagan National Airport. There was a little bit of water in the boy's sippy cup. Because of that, the TSA managed to completely screw up their day - all in the name of national security and protecting us from nasty terrorists who want to maim and kill innocent Americans.

If we weren't living in a new police state, someone should have stepped in and put a stop to the TSA Nazis. But we have decided we're willing to give up most of our freedoms and allow these government goons to degrade anyone they want to - all in the name of protecting us from our enemies.

It's crap and has got to stop. What happened to this woman is a crime that plays itself out dozens of times a day every day all across America. Enough is enough! The best part? Monica Emmerson is a former Secret Service agent! She is more of a patriot, more dedicated to America's ideals and just flat our more of an American than anyone working as for the TSA at Reagan National Airport.

Read a complete, frightening account of what happened here.

Then get outraged and demand this insanity stops!

Local TV Stupidity

2007-06-13T23:29:00.000-04:00

I'm watching the local news. It's as amateur as you can imagine...no, actually worse. Ten-year-old kids couldn't do a worse job of missing cues, dead air, dead mics and flubbed lines. I'm convinced their audio engineer is deaf. But the ads on the station are even worse.

In the last break there was a spot for a law firm. It featured some old guy in a shiny suit so pumped with botox that he looked like he was going to explode. He was telling us about his great news...the law firm just bought a toll-free number that is so easy to remember you won't ever have to go to the phone book again to look up their number. Wow! Now THAT'S a competitive advantage, right? I took note of the name of the law firm, because I was very interested in seeing what this phenomenally easy-to-remember number was going to be. It was the Crawford Law Firm. (Of course the commercial didn't say a thing about what kind of law they practice or why you might ever actually need to call them, but I guess they were so excited about their news that it didn't matter.)

OK, the Crawford Law Firm. Their new toll-free number: 1-866-CALL-BRAD WHAT?

Who the hell is Brad? Is this guy Brad Crawford? I have no idea! And aren't phone numbers seven digits? CALL-BRAD is eight. And was it 866, or 888 or 800? I really can't remember.

Typical talking-to-myself advertising. Stupid.

But I think the best part was what came next. After this man just finished bashing the need for the Yellow Pages now that he has this new, magical phone number - the next commercial on the station was for, yep, the local Yellow Pages directory!

Priceless!

I Speak with a Midland Accent

2007-06-13T18:04:00.000-04:00

I just took an interesting quiz. It purports to tell you with what kind of accent you speak. In my case, the result was right on!

What American accent do you have?

Midland

"Midland" is not necessarily the same thing as "Midwest". The default American accent that newscasters try to imitate. Since it's a neutral accent, because you have a Midland accent doesn't mean you're from the Midland.

I'm not quite sure where I got it. I learned to speak in Michigan, but my father is from New Jersey and my mother Mississippi. I guess they kind of canceled out and I became rather accentless.

Interesting little quiz. Try it yourself...click here.

Putting Islam Into Proper Perspective

2007-06-12T20:09:00.000-04:00

I came across this video clip on Digg. It is actually posted on Google Video. It is a 5:28 segment from Al Jazeera TV on February 21, 2006 featuring an incredibly passionate and intelligent speech by an Arab-American psychologist named Wafa Sultan.

Even through she is speaking a foreign language to me, I have never "heard" a more succinct and rational explanation of what is going on in the Muslim world today. Basically she explains that the conflicts we see are not based upon religion or culture, but a huge gap in civilization. An ignorant Middle Ages mentality vs. a modern, technological one. Most importantly she criticizes the tactics of the Muslim extremists as destined to fail.

Brilliant. Please watch.

Fantastic First Sentence of a News Story

2007-06-11T15:50:00.000-04:00

I was just perusing the Internet and landed on one of my favorite sites, Fark.com. For the news of the day on June 11, 2007 it included a link to a story in The Independent Florida Alligator. I have no idea what this is. Some sort of newspaper I suppose. Their tagline is: We Inform. You Decide. OK. Not bad.

This particular story is written by Jennifer Bingaman, who is an Alligator Contributing Writer. Nice title! The headline of the story is pretty interesting in and of itself: Big snakes make kids giggle.

But that's nothing compared to the opening sentence:

Her husband's ashes, which she wears in a blue container on a gold chain around her neck, remind Jean Howard of how she came to love snakes.

Wow...could be the opening of a fantastic novel! I'll definitely go see the movie!

United Airlines - Always an Adventure

2007-06-11T14:55:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting in O'Hare Airport in Chicago. I'm at one of those laptop stations they have in the terminal with barely enough room to actually place the computer on the shelf, and the absolutely hardest stool upon which I have ever placed my big bottom. The sun in beating down mercilessly over my right shoulder, making it all but impossible to see my laptop's screen. No, I'm not very comfortable right now. And it's all United Airlines' fault!

I was supposed to get on a plane last night from O'Hare to Washington-Dulles. It was the last flight of the night - around 9:10 p.m. - and I was in the gate in plenty of time to catch it. However, about 30 minutes before departure the gate rep got on the PA and simply announced, "I'm sorry but the flight to Dulles has been canceled. I don't have any further information. I suggest you go to the Customer Service Center for rebooking."

So I and everyone else in the gate grabbed our stuff and started the walk to the Service Center.

I was the 30th person in line. Yes, I counted. They had two agents working, although there were spaces for at least eight or nine. The line did not move. After about 45 minutes, miraculously two more agents showed up and started helping people. It still took another 30 minutes before I got my turn.

The gentleman agent who proudly wore a "Shop Steward" button on his tie, informed me the only flight I could get on was at 3:55 the following afternoon. HUH? What about all the morning flights? Booked. He offered to fly me in to Baltimore or Reagan National, but those were hardly appealing alternatives. It's not like these three airports are next door to one another! So I got a new boarding pass and a voucher for a room at the nearby Holiday Inn.

I had to ask the hotel for a toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shaving cream and comb. Fortunately they have a nice little card in the bathroom offering these items to wayward travelers like myself. I got to bed around 12:30 and set the alarm for 7:00. I wanted to get up and check flights before actually heading back to the airport. When I did, they were all full, except for one leaving at 1:15. Worth a try, I thought. So I got up, showered, got dressed and caught the shuttle back to O'Hare.

I got back in the Customer Service Center line. There were only ten people ahead of me this time, and still only two reps working. Still, it went a little quicker than the night before. I explained my situation and the agent was actually very helpful. She got me on standby for the 1:15 flight and confirmed on the 3:55 one. She tracked my bag for me and confirmed that it arrived at Dulles around 10:00 a.m. Then something happened that is pretty annoying.

I asked her why the flight from the night before was canceled. She said she didn't know and would look it up. "Maintenance problem." And as quick as that she printed out and handed me a $100 voucher good for a future flight. Hmmm. So if I hadn't asked why the flight was canceled, she would have just let me walk away to wait another six hours in the airport. But because I asked, I got a $100 voucher? That's just stupid!

Now, you might say United is just being frugal. Why give out $100 tickets if they don't have to, right? But the situation is this:

After last night my attitude toward United was to avoid them at all costs! Fly any other airline no matter how inconvenient or even more costly. But because they gave me the voucher, I will fly United at least one more time...and since there's no such thing as a $100 ticket, I'll spend money with them. Plus I'll admit I'm a bit more forgiving that a plane had a mechanical problem. What I'm NOT forgiving about is that they didn't automatically offer this voucher in the first place!

It's stupid, greedy and poor marketing to behave this way. But United is huge and doesn't care. We are just product that needs to be moved from one location to another. Satisfaction is irrelevant, because we don't have nearly the choices we should as alternatives.

So, I'll get home 19 hours later than expected. I missed a day of work. And my butt is really, really sore from this stupid stool. I hate you, United!

Open Letter to KNBC's Robert Kovacik

2007-06-10T13:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. Kovacik:

You are presently the national media's sorriest excuse for a "journalist." I'm sure you will be replaced soon because there are so many viable candidates working in your field today. But at this moment, you get the award for being the lamest example in the country.

You got all dressed up the other day to join the hundreds of other bottom-feeders to try and get a glimpse of Paris Hilton being hauled back to jail. Like the rest of your colleagues, you crowded the police car carrying Ms. Hilton and would not heed the officer's demand that you get out of the way. Nice touch, by the way, when you saw Kathy Hilton and asked her with all the sincerity you could muster, "How are YOU doing?"

But what wins you the award is how, with the cameras rolling, you managed to throw yourself ever so slightly onto the front of the police car's front fender and feign that you have been "struck" by the vehicle. Did you watch the video that ran on MSNBC? Did you see your incredibly poor acting? I sure hope you aren't planning a career as a stunt man in the movies. Your abilities are laughingly pathetic!

What makes this whole incident even more tragic, is how you then turned the whole non-story of Paris Hilton into an even less important non-story about YOU! "They hit me! The police car hit me!" Forget Paris! I love how you picked up a small piece of plastic that broke off your microphone when you took your little swan dive and use it as evidence of how close to death you just came! What a sad, pathetic attention whore you are, Mr. Kovacik! When did you give up on being a legitimate newsman?

And the topper? Apparently you complained so long and loudly that another policeman came over to you to ask if you need an ambulance! I'm very surprised you refused. After all, you probably got some sort of scrape or bump. I'm sure your suit got some dirt on it. You missed a wonderful opportunity for more air time as the cameras follow you to the hospital and you continue to report on the aftermath of the callous attack by the Los Angeles Police Department on a poor, innocent reporter who was only trying to do his job.

Paris bawling in the back of the squad car has nothing on you, Mr. Kovacik. You're the master!

How Can This Happen?

2007-06-01T16:16:00.001-04:00

The photo says it all, but if you want to, you can read the article on The Daily Telegraph's website.

150 Silicon Valley CEOs in the audience. You've got to believe each and every one had a hard time listening to what Ms. Clinton was saying - even if she did call herself "the high-technology presidential candidate."

She should have insisted someone hang a backdrop. Somehow cover that up. Otherwise, well, you get a picture that makes you look like an total moron plastered across the Internet, right?

Sad. And as for Applied Materials - I'm sure glad I'm not in the market for whatever it is you sell!

Saturday Night Live has a "Choreographer?"

2007-05-31T17:38:00.000-04:00

I'm so tired a stupid ads. I just saw this one in the current issue of Time magazine for BlackBerry. It features a young, thin, attractive redhead dancing (I assume) in front of a mirror. She's holding a BlackBerry in her hand. I'm not quite sure why she's holding her BlackBerry while dancing, but as I said, it's a stupid ad.

It identifies her as Danielle Flora, Choreographer, Saturday Night Live.

WHAT?

Since when does Saturday Night Live need a choreographer? I don't recall dance being a huge part of that show EVER! In fact, I don't recall it being even a small part of the show. Or ANY part of the show! Am I missing something? None of the news anchors on Weekend Update ever stand up, much less break into dance. The musical guests just do their standard routines. Skits with dancing? Hmmm...as I plow through my memory of the last 30 years of that show, I really don't recall dance - certainly not dance requiring the services of a choreographer - being a part of the formula. Oh wait...I do remember a famous skit with Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley wearing tight leather pants doing a bare-chested male stripper routine. But I somehow doubt it really required choreography, and from the look of the ad, Danielle Flora was probably 14 years old at the time.

Somehow BlackBerry uses a quote from Ms. Flora about her fast-paced lifestyle and how the device helps keep her flexible. I'm not sure how her BlackBerry does the job any better than a standard cell phone might, but I supposed if you're stupid enough to accept that SNL has a choreographer, then you just assume a BlackBerry is somehow superior to a cheap Nokia or LG phone.

The ad concludes with an invitation:

Find out how BlackBerry can help you live a larger life at www.blackberry.com/ask.

If you go to that site, you are a sad, manipulated moron. If they get more than two hits, I will be thoroughly surprised. I don't know what a full-page ad in Time costs these days, but BlackBerry must have money to burn. This ad is stupid, the idea is stupid, and it helps prove the point I have been trying to make for quite some time: Marketers are idiots!

How to Get Rosie to Shut Up!

2007-05-29T10:25:00.000-04:00

There's a short article on MSN today that says Rosie O'Donnell may never speak to Elisabeth Hasselbeck again following their argument on "The View."

Now if we can just get everyone else to disagree with Rosie when she opens her fat mouth, maybe she'll take a vow of silence and quietly pout in the corner for the rest of her life!

We can only hope.

Another sidelight to this whole incident is that many people considered Hasselbeck to be sort of the token dumb blond on this show. And often that's how she appeared when she was clueless to what everyone else was talking about. But now, I know I for one have renewed respect for her because she had the guts to stand up to the show's despicable bully and even got her to quit! On top of that, she was RIGHT!

Hooray for Elisabeth!